Lyvvie's Limelight

Holiday summary and book review

2012-01-04T01:24:00.000Z

Damn that was a fucking boring title for a blog post - I bet you three are completely riveted by that effort.

We had a great Xmas/New Year here. The weather was favourable apart from a scary downpour on Xmas afternoon that had lemon-sized hail elsewhere in the city. We only got pea sized so that's my car saved.

Writing has become painful. I know it's all in my head, but physical pain starts when I try and write anything. Like roach clips being applied to various parts of my brain. My eyes ache, my teeth gnash my shoulders tense and ache. It's why I've not been doing it so much anymore. Still want to, still have a constant dialog running in my head that I don't know how to get out. Perhaps the idea of a dictaphone isn't a bad one after all.

When Husband asked me this year what I wanted for Xmas I said "An e-reader" and left it at that because I knew he'd go and research and find the best one. If I'd come out and said "Kindle" he'd have talked to me about the pros/cons of the various types vs Sony and I'd have had to kill him. But since this was a present and the element of surprise was allowed, he did not talk about it apart from the occasional "I think Kindles are the better choice..." then I could say "Yes I think so too." or if he'd said "I think Sony has the best e-reader" I could then suck in breath between my teeth, make a face and shrug and he'd know that would not have been the best option in my opinion. It's a balanced game we play. I do think eventually I said "I really like the Kindle, I think it's the simplest option."

So, LO! I have a Kindle Fire.

Days before Xmas, Christopher Hitchens died from his esophageal cancer. (I spelled that right without spell check! Woohoo!) which was expected as he'd been quite ill but sad all the same. I read the reflections from Stephen Fry on his friendship with Hitchens and he mentioned what bonded them was a love of P.G. Wodehouse.

"And I can claim too that I call him “old horse,” like Stanley Ukridge, or “old crumpet,” like Barney Phipps and Oofy Prosser—for we shared a love and passion for P. G. Wodehouse and such things form a bond. Wodehouse, who adored the Pekingese breed of dog, liked to judge people on whether they were sound on Pekes. Evelyn Waugh, who like the Hitch and myself, revered the Master, judged people on how sound they are on Wodehouse. To paraphrase Lorenzo in The Merchant of Venice, “the man that hath no Wodehouse in him, nor is not moved with concord of sweet phrases, is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils; the motions of his spirit are dull as night, as his affections dark as Erebus. Let no such man be trusted.”

Such judgment laid at my feet to know I've not read Wodehouse and therefore could not be considered acknowledgeable by these men who I admire! Whom I admire? Who cares, I lost all respect by creating acknowledgable. So my first downloads from Gutenberg Project were Wodehouse; The Adventures of Sally. Can you imagine my surprise when reading this that I noticed many familiar plot devices. I started predicting what was to come because, hello! It's a romance! Hitchens? Fry? Admiring above all a writer of romance?! I was happily stunned.

All that stuff aside, I truly enjoyed The Adventures of Sally. It's a great story and one where there isn't even any kissing and yet men are throwing themselves at the incredibly thin, egg only for dinner, ex dancer for hire who recently inherited $25K, plucky, straight speaking Sally. It's short, it's extremely readable. At times I had to remind myself that Sally is very unusual for the way she speaks so openly, wittily and freely with people because it's a turn of the 20th century and most women do not behave like that. She felt extremely modern so when she has very, of her time, reactions to things like; since she agreed, albeit grudgingly and in the heat of the moment, to marry this one guy she really finds icky when she truly loves another but will not go back on her promise and resigns herself to the fact she will marry the wrong man and be miserable for the rest of her life - then I wanted to shake her. But it was a very true to character thing for her to do - it was very hard to pull her into my 21st century thinking of "Fuck him, he's icky, go marry the guy you love and raise Pekingese dogs with him!" and then realise I can't she's stuck there in early 20th century.

I was struck by the way Sally was described as small, dainty, childlike throughout while her brother was described as becoming ever increasingly fat. The constant attention on her tininess and his bloatedness made me wonder if 90 years ago people really did comment this much on figure. I suppose it's not too dissimilar from today, but it was interesting from a cultural history perspective. My favourite line which made me laugh out loud was in describing the waddling Fillmore went something like "If he continues in this fashion his new bride will be called a bigamist." I thought it was a clever insult.

I really liked The Adventures of Sally and I hope you go get it - and why not, it's free! I also got The Scarlet Pimpernel series and a few more Wodehouse titles and a couple of Dumas but not the Musketeers, I will sometime but wanted something else. Husband just finished The Count of Monte Cristo and loved it , so I'll read that and we can talk about together.

New Year was great too. I got especially spoiled as it was a special birthday for me; I turned 40. This is me at 40:

Those are not highlights, that's my hair au naturale - I stopped colouring it year ago in October and those highlights are my silver streaks. Biggest one is at the parting on my left temple. Yes I admit the greys were photoed first then I ran and put on a wee bit of make-up for the full face. And teeth! I rarely let my teeth get photographed because my front ones - which are built-up because I broke them when I was 9 - are different colours because they were done by different dentists and one of those dentists was quite colour blind. If I get my teeth bleached, then I'll have to get my front teeth replaced and colour matched will cost about $700. So, I'll just suffer it as there are more important things needing paid for than my vanity.

Where the current rage is Pandora charm bracelets, by family bucked the trend and got me a Swarovski charm bracelet instead and three charms. Mine is much cooler. I am going to try and get a nice gold chain for one of them; a sparkling little goldfish with moving fins because he's so delightful. I also got a tomato and a pink heart. What I'll do is, I have a couple of old broken gold chains, I'll sell them and use that money to get a new one. Why hang on to broken gold?

There it is, all of us happy as pie, enjoying summer - which was just pretty harsh with a few days in the 90s-105. Work will settle down and be quiet soon, the kids are on Summer vacation and it's been busy and we could do with a couple of sloth days. Will be hitting the beaches soon for some much needed surfing.

Hope you all had wonderful holidays, too. Happy New Year!!

A poem about poetry.

2011-11-20T01:00:00.001Z

I've been talking to the kids about poetry. They like poetry and they like music. Shorty noticed how lots of songs have rhyming words at the ends. I explained a few of the rules about poetry, and that some poems don't have any rules.These are rules you can follow if you want to but don't have to follow if you do not. this is an introduction to anarchy with words.

We pulled out their favourite Shel Silverstein books and read their favourites. Counted the iambs, named the feet, noticed the lack of rules from one to the next and sometimes in the same poem, but also recognized the forms in others that did follow a rule. They were delighted, inspired.

Shorty and I sat down and tried to write a poem. The question was "What should it be about?" I never know. So here is what we created together:

8 Feet

A poem is a tricky thing;
not something started on a whim.

Should it rhyme? No, not all the time.
Should it inspire? Evoke desire?

Maybe just be for fun?

A poem is a tricky thing,
not easily begun.

We did well with the 8 feet for the first four lines, then went for a 6, 8, 6 finish for some reason. But since there are no rules it should be ok - right?

We are really bad at anarchy with words.

Vegan Lemon Extreme Cupcakes Recipe!

2011-11-10T00:59:00.001Z

Now really you have to say extreme like it's a monster truck rally, because these are EXTREME! Ka-POW! Punch in the salivary glands and make your neck ache tangy lemon cupcakes. No prissy pretty cupcakes; these babies bite back!

This is the same old vegan cupcake recipe I've used for years, ever since we found out Shorty was allergic to eggs and milk. Don't worry I'll include it again at the end. I made a first batch to let Shorty decide how she wanted her cupcakes to taste and she exclaimed "Not enough lemon! Needs more lemon! Double the lemon!" while Husband said "These are nice, a subtle lemon flavour. Pleasant. except for this bit of rind I'm left chewing on."

From that I took this: Double the lemon and get a proper lemon zester because shaving it with the veggie peeler and chopping with my curved knife isn't good enough.

I bought a big bag of lemons and found a fine cheese grater in the drawer of kitchen stuff I never use that worked perfectly as a zester. I did a couple things differently than I normally would:

That's the zest and juice of two small lemons. I did this bit first before anything else. I find it easier to squeeze over a small plate and then I can pick out all the seeds without fumbling up the sides of a bowl or squeezing over my other hand and trying not to let the seeds slip between my fingers. I then put the juice on the zest and let it soften up the zest and set aside until later.

When the batter is ready, I spooned it into paper cake things that I pre-sprayed with non stick. Why? Because how many times have you been ready to enjoy a lovely cupcakes and then had to eat it off the paper because the paper stuck to the cake? I hate when that happens! Also, see the one in the bottom left? That's how high you should fill the paper. The others are too full. Why? Because don't you hate it when you peel back the paper and it gets covered in sticky icing and it runs or gobs down the side? No? Well you're a finger licking icing freak. I like to have a bit of paper free of frosting to pull back and then I can grab the cake and not get all sticky from the icing. It's a dainty, delicate thing this cupcake eating! Al;so - look at all that zest in the batter - isn't it teasing you with its lemony promise of deliciousness?

See them baked and how the one with the paper at the top is nicer than the one on the right that's overfull and guaranteeing the icing runs down the side of paper?

This was them finished, the next morning. Now, I admit this was the batch I'd made and it has a flaw. The ones my daughter made were perfect and much, much prettier than these. The mistake was, I'd read other cupcake recipes (No, no not that reading recipes of others is a mistake, it's not, it's bloody essential!) and a few of them included a quarter of a cup of corn flour. I didn't understand this use of corn flour. Cornflour? I use that to thicken sauces. Does it thicken cupcakes? What was it going to do? Is it better than my usual corn flour free ones? So I had to try it out. I found it does in fact make the cakes a tad denser and flatter. Dense in a super moist sense not a hockey puck way. See how the cakes are slightly hockey puck shaped? That's the corn flour. I think it helps keep them from rising too high and dome-like and then they won't crack as badly making icing much easier. I'm guessing! It makes sense. Second batch, Shorty made without corn flour with her child's handful of lemon zest. This batch she proclaimed perfection while my husband grasped his neck hissing "My glands! Ack! Lemon! Tart!" and then grabbed another cupcake and left the room.

Sadly I have no pictures of the perfect ones Shorty made because they were scarfed up first. I'm not jealous! She did an awesome job, she was a kitchen Goddess! She'll have this recipe down pat by next week for the contest and she knows exactly how she wants her cupcakes to taste. She's 7 by the way, did you know that? She's a Junior Masterchef in the making. My cupcakes were only ok next to her ones. No one liked the mixed peel on top, they preferred Shorty's lemon zest only simplicity and the dome top on her no corn flour recipe was irrelevant in the end. I'll get you some more pictures of hers when she does her official entry for the 19th. If you cannot wait, then you'll have to try and make them yourself:

Vegan Super Lemon Cupcakes

Cupcake Ingredients

1½ cups of self rising flour
¾ cup of caster sugar
½ teaspoon of salt
1/3 cup of extra light olive oil
Zest and juice of two small or one large lemon (around 1/3 of a cup of juice)
1 cup of soy milk and another ½ a cup to be added if needed for a thick but pourable batter.
1 teaspoon of white vinegar

Icing Ingredients

¾ cup of icing sugar
1 tablespoon of lemon juice
Some lemon zest

Preparation

Zest the lemons and squeeze all the juice. Remove seeds but leave pulpy bits. Let the zest soak in the juice and set aside.
Place cupcake papers into a muffin tin and give a light coating with non stick spray.
Preheat oven to 170C.

Method

In a large bowl sift all the dry ingredients together. Make a well in the flour, keeping the vinegar aside, add the rest of the wet ingredients and mix until no large lumps appear – be careful not to over mix or the batter will become too heavy. Add the vinegar and give a few good stirs then spoon the batter into the cupcake papers leaving a few millimetres of paper showing at the top. Get quickly into the oven and bake for around 20-25 minutes or until a skewer inserted comes out clean but the cakes aren't browned on top. Allow cakes to cool completely.

Once cakes are cooled make the icing by sifting the icing sugar to be sure it's free of hard lumps. Add the lemon juice a teaspoon a time and stir until a thick, spreadable icing is achieved. Add to the top of the cupcakes, top with the zest for decoration and allow to set.

That was coming towards us as we were happily baking.

Ah - in the ingredients there's white vinegar. That's a great trick and saved us yesterday. It was a muggy, humid warm afternoon with storms brewing on the horizon but as we were baking it was the worst weather for baking. Humid kitchens make sticky, overly moist cakes that sometimes don't rise well. Add a vegan recipe and it's a wonder they work at all. A little chemistry to the rescue. The vinegar added at the end reacts with the baking powder and makes bubbles in the batter - it creates crumb. A nice crumb is necessary to a great cake. The vinegar flavour bakes off and you never know it's even in there, unless you lick the bowl. Then you know. That's a great thing about vegan recipes - no salmonella worry! Lick that bowl clean! Otherwise, you don't actually need the vinegar so don't sweat it if you don't have any.

I hope you give these a try. They really are the answer if you've ever had a lemon cake and thought to yourself "I suppose it could be lemon?" and like Shorty screamed "More Lemon!!" then this will tickle your tang buds.

If anyone can tell me how to get the 1/3 to shrink down like the other fractions in Open Office, I'd appreciate that too. Damned annoying that.

Last trick - I didn't let the kids lick the bowl because there was about a 1/4 cup of batter left. After two bowls of leftover batter, I spooned it into the mini-muffin pan and baked them up too. Those were lovely lunchbox sized treats. Why waste it when it can be cooked and used up. Even cupcakes can be frozen and used later!

SIGH

2011-11-09T19:56:00.000Z

Ok, scratch that; the knitting is due tomorrow along with short stories, colouring and other crafty kind of stuff. Baking is due the 19th.

What am I going to do with these 2 dozen cupcakes and scones?

Chalk it up to practice.

sigh. I'm so tired.

Lemon Cupcakes and Date Scones and a fast scarf....

2011-11-08T21:12:00.001Z

Yesterday I mentioned there was a country fair at the school and Shorty entered the cupcake baking contest. Turns out it's not next week, it's tomorrow! Fucka-duck. I was positive the email I got a couple weeks ago said it was on the 19th but no, it's tomorrow.

Yesterday I made two different recipes of lemon muffins and let the family taste test them to see which they preferred. I was chuffed when they chose the first one which so happened to be my own, time tested favourite recipe. The only thing they all agreed was: more lemon. Well these folks are going to get some kick ass lemon bomb cupcakes now! I'm going to actually spend money on a zester and zest my little heart out.*

When Sassyface saw me give a dollar to let her sister enter a cupcake competition, she whined "I want a dollar!" and I told her she had to enter a competition and pay a dollar for the privileged. Did she have her entry form? No. So she had to go get one from the office, wringing her hands in anxiety because she'd have to talk to the receptionist - who is lovely, sweet and accommodating. But sucjh is the way of a anxious (lazy) kid "You do it for me?"

nope. You want to enter a contest, you enter it, not me. I'll have your dollar ready when you return. Good on her, she did it. then the cheeky besom entered two competitions and demanded $2. She entered finger knitting and scones. Luckily she's had a knitting project on the go for a couple weekends and has just been cramming her last stitches along on a soft, cranberry coloured scarf on the circle loom. She should have it ready for tomorrow. I may have to help tie tassels.

Now to find a recipe for date scones. Again, I have one that I use that's stupid easy, lazy and vegan. she says she'll use that one "The super sweet one." I argued it's not super sweet! But then, the dates done right are really sweet and the recipe doesn't need a lot of sugar if the dates are right.

This afternoon my little counter top oven is going to be very, very busy.

Wait - have I talked about the oven here? I haven't, have I? Well we moved house a few months ago because the old landlord was annoying and so were a few of our neighbors. One had many small dogs that barked all day. We have a new house and it's great on a quiet dead-end street (although our new neighbor just got a puppy that howls and barks all day indoors and outdoors) and we're happy. One thing I was taken with was the big, 900mm deluxe oven. I thought, I'll be able to cook up a storm in the mofo. Sadly, no. The oven doen't work. The gas top does, the grill does, the oven on max barely hits 100C. So gutted! I ended up going out and buying a small Breville counter top oven and let me tell you - this thing is awesome! Sadly not big enough for a Thanksgiving turkey. Turns out this deluxe oven the owners have is notorious for being crap. One star ratings galore. Biggest complaint was loss of temp. A total Golden Dancer.

Busy day; lemon cupcakes that exhibit the awesomeness of lemons, date scones and quick finish a knitting project. Here I go!

*Also let clarify that the kids will be doing all of this themselves. I m not doing all their baking for them. I found the recipes, tested them and now they're ready to bake them, themselves. I will help Sassy put on her tassels but she's cramming her own knitting. There will be no "You do it for me." bullshit because that would be cheating. Sassy did think she could just enter the school colours scarf I'd made for her last year in the contest, but I told her flat out No. Cheaters earn hollow victories. There's no pride in it.

Lemon Cupcakes

2011-11-08T02:40:00.000Z

The school is having a country fair type thing next week. They came home with information sheets listing different events they could take part in. Shorty wants to do all of them. I told her to choose two. One is a cupcake bake-off. I'm hoping it's like a county fair where people bring in baked goods and they're all judged individually. Shorty thinks it's like Masterchef where all the kids are supposed to have a cooking contest. I'll have to clarify the conditions of the cupcake competition.

We talked this morning about cupcakes and what she thought she'd like to make. Flavour, frosting or icing, natural or food colouring; that kind of thing. She said Lemon, with lemon zest and lemon icing. A cupcake to display the amazingness of lemons. I'm all up for that. I also think she watches way too much Iron Chef.

The challenge now is to try and make a lemon cupcake that is also amazingness.
I'm looking at vegan recipes first because I doubt anyone else will make them and it'll be a nice surprise for people to taste that you don't need tons of animal products to make a cake taste nice. I have a standard recipe I always use but also want to make it as simple and use the fewest amount of ingredients possible just in case it is a bake-off. Try a few combinations and see which one everyone likes.

I'm considering, if I can find them, blood orange icing. That way it'll have a nice pinky colour naturally and keep the citrus theme.

I'm sure by the end of this week I'll never want to see another lemon cake again.

Inspirations source: Lemon Cupcakes

Lacking in foresight...

2011-10-20T23:47:00.000+01:00

I just saw this political image on a friend's facebook page and it made me so angry.

Really? Let Jesus run the country? Has he returned and not let any of us know? No? Didn't think so, surely that would have been on the news. Well what then, put some religious experts in power so they can tell us what Jesus would do if he were there? Will these religious dynamos who have the inside line into Jesus's wishes and desires for the American population be making all our policies and clearing up all the ones Jesus would find unholy? That can't be right...surely they are just men and we cannot trust men. It says so right there in the quoted Psalm. Why not throw out democracy entirely, go back to theocracy and be done with it all - let Jesus guide us in his ever silent way. That sounds like a great idea - it worked perfectly in the Dark Ages after all, right?

Can we have an X over every Republican candidate's face too? Since they are all men or at least HUman as we now get to include Bachmann. To be honest, this would have to be a promotion of women over men - it doesn't say not to trust women after all.

Really now; what the fuck are you thinking?! If you want to try that kind of life, go live in Iran for a while. Keep telling yourself it wouldn't actually be like that because it would be a christian nation and then your self-deluded indoctrination will be complete because if you honestly think Christians wouldn't run their country exactly the same way then you are living in a dream world.

Wake up!

I don't want to know about your Organic Movement...

2011-10-12T01:24:00.000+01:00

I'd love it if people wouldn't use the word organic to mean anything other than chemical free farming and produce. I'd also appreciate it if people would not say the word organic with an odd, sexualized lingering as one does for unctuous or moist. Stop trying to turn the word organic into orgasm; it's not to be used that way.

I think the biggest abusers are fashion types. They talk about organic fashion but not in the "This fabric if from organic cotton," kind of way. They roll the word organic around to mean original, new and sexually charged.

I know Frank Lloyd Wright used the term "Organic Architecture" to describe his mixing of habitation with nature. I get that - that makes sense. Your eyeglasses, however, are not organic fashion. I don't even think "organic ideas" works. Show me an example of pesticide/toxin free ideas? Is that some kind of Buddhism?

If I hear another drawling sycophant dribble "Oh my God, that is so organic." one more time I'll flip. Really now, cut it out. It's as vacuous as Hilton's saying hot with two Ts as if that makes it extra hot. "That is so hottt it got three Ts," ; dry heaves ahoy!

I can't even find the original post that set me off in my prudish word rant. It may have been something I read about Occupy Wall Street being an organic movement. All I could think about toxin free fertilizer. OWS deserves better wording. It's like that other dreadful phrase "Grassroots revival" ugh it makes me nauseated.

What's so bad with "Rally"?

Guest room not free...

2011-10-01T04:45:00.000+01:00

I'm going to write something here today. Where to start? I dunno; Title? uhm....I can think of a title later. Right, ready, type something...*Beep* Damn it! Washing machine interrupting me just at the moment I'm about to type something when I've not typed anything for days I mean what is that trying to say? Haha funny world having a joke on me.

Laundry done for now, so now. What to type?

I've been reading writing books again, I've been watching TED videos on creativity. I've been rather ill with a terrible cough that better not be Whooping cough or I will punch Jenny McCarthy in her smug anti-vaccination face. Yet the other day I had an idea. It just hit me, as it would after a TED video about ideas and where they come from and how other artists work through the process. I'm not an artist - how very smug. To be an artist you have to actually create something that other people seem to like, before that you're just a hobbyist; subject to every ounce of disdain and discouragement leveled upon you by the world who deems artists as inferior until they actually become famous. Society is seriously fucked up, don't you agree?

I didn't agree with Ms. Guilbert about creativity being an external thing or a Dobby the House Elf whispering in a writer's ear at inopportune moments, but I played with the idea. I thought about it being an external process. I got bored and made tea.

I then tried Amy Tan's talk on creativity. She mixes creativity with science and it worked much better for me. Amy Tan, I'm loving her now. Had not dipped my toe into her world before but will now.

Everyone has their process on where their ideas come from. In this I think it's very nuture vs nature. It is not innate, it is not predestined. It's also, annoying as it is, not always linear. I wish I could discover a story from beginning to end all logical and twinging the emotions at the right points. But it doesn't, not ever. For me, it's an argument. It always begins with an argument. I get a vivid movie flash of a disagreement, an epiphany for one over the unfairness of the other. It's extremely clear, their feelings, their machinations, their lack of self awareness. It's voyeuristic. I can barely get the whole of it on paper before it's gone. That's it. That's all I get; a fight. I am then left alone to figure out how these two got to be in this fight in the first place, and then what happens after the fight. I flounder. I have pages and pages of fights. Fights in cafes, fights in the home, fights in the car. Arguments, clashing wills, blatant ignorance.

When you happen upon a couple in the full fury of a disagreement so that the world melts away for them and they see nothing but their opponent, you can't help but watch. How could you not watch? They fight and then it's over because one storms off. You may share the story over coffee but eventually it's gone except for the thought that those two were assholes. Really, those two people arguing in public are assholes. These are the people who my subconscious/conscious bring to me to write about. Now I ask you - is that fair? Well, I suppose it is. If we see these arguments in reality it can be uncomfortable for us to witness but in a book we are removed from it all as it's fictional. It may have actually happened and the writer was using real life in their fiction but the reader won't know that. Barrier in place, freedom to enjoy.

I don't like it when people fight. I do like a good debate, a good exchange, wit and charm. But what to do with these people? That's where I get a bit stuck. I shouldn't feel responsible for them, like Amy Tan's example of if you save a man from drowning, you're now responsible for him; no. I don't want to responsible for them - but am I?

Loused up Monday

2011-05-30T04:00:00.000+01:00

A couple days ago Shorty and her friends were throwing sawdust into each others hair. This morning, while walking to school, I noticed Shorty's scalp was dirty. I said "You did a bad job washing your hair, it's still covered in dirt..." when the dirt moved. But no - she's got a right good infestation of head lice. The utter irony of this, is that she'd just been saying this morning before we headed out that she'd never had head lice. None of us has. Shorty took particular pride. Imagine my confusion and then slumped acceptance when that speck of dirt moved. I, at first, thought she had fleas. They looked the same. No one has ever told me lice look like fleas. Sesame seeds was what I'd had them described as, not fleas. Apparently I've had more experience with fleas than they have. And sesame seeds.

We sent big sister along to school on her own* and we turned around and walked straight to the pharmacy. I went to the counter and when asked "May I help you?" Shorty announced loud and proud "I have nits!!" to which I'm sure everyone in the shop took an immediate step back from us both. Truthfully, for a kid who'd just boasted about how she'd never had nits, to be so delighted that she was now full of them was surreal. The pharmacist was great and I spent a fortune on all the stuff; foaming insecticide, shampoo, conditioner and the Rolls Royce of nit combs. She then sat happily in a warm bath for 45 minutes stinking of toxins; blissful. I began to get so overrun with feelings of creepy things on my head and face I used the solution too; I had been laying in her bed with her last night, sharing her pillow.

She was less happy to be sat on a low stool between my knees for two hours while I removed all the egg casings with the Rolls Royce of nit combs. She was less happy with my choice of TV show; Quincy M.E.

I'll have to repeat the combings every other day and do another Family stinky foam head on Sunday. I'll need to buy another bottle, too.

*I'm sure someone will be thinking why did I let Sassy go to school when chances are she has nits too? Well she'd had a haircut the day before and I'm certain if there had been any signs of nits the hairdresser would have let me know. She'll be treated tonight with the same potions, regardless.

I got the Job!

2011-05-24T23:19:00.002+01:00

I start next week. Didn't need your wishes of luck. :P

Busy Monday!

2011-05-22T23:33:00.001+01:00

I am all dressed, washed and perfumed. I have a job interview this morning. For a children's clothing store. I've done this sort of job before when I worked at BabyGap in Edinburgh so I know i can do the work without much stress. We're trying to save up for a down payment on a house. We are definitely staying in Australia. We love it here. Once we get the permanent residency we'll get some real estate and stop renting...then again the market isn't in our favor and buying a house in our current neighborhood would be at least one million dollars - and that just the land, never mind the house. I think the property bubble will burst in the next 18months-2 years. It's starting to decline. anyways...

I noticed the carpet was soaked in front of the bathroom last night. Turns out the hot water hose in the laundry room next door has been leaking. It's not been doing it for too long, but long enough. I'll set the dehumidifier in there and hopefully we'll not have to let the landlord know. I'm out to buy a new hose after my interview.

Here's me, in a dreary morning with fluorescent lighting. Have I mentioned I've stopped colouring my hair? Can you see the grey streak I'm sporting? It's pretty wild seeing how grey my hair has become. I still have some leftover summer streaks.

And my new glasses.

wish me luck!!

Ghosts of ghosts

2011-05-22T02:52:00.000+01:00

Is it just me or do the lead singers of these bands all sound the same?

Cherry Ghost, Kissing Strangers (From Bolton, England about 150 miles from London)

Boy & Bear, Mexican Mavis (Sydney, Australia)

And even to some extent; Mumford & Sons, Winter Winds (From London)

And there are more! I just think there's a trend for these softly falsetto warble men. It's all good music, but when I hear it a lot I get confused over who's who and since I first heard Cherry Ghost, I always ask "Is that a new Cherry Ghost song? It sounds like the singer from Cherry Ghost." Nope, it's another CG type.

My confidence is set for the day.

2011-05-21T00:13:00.002+01:00

Created by Oatmeal

Stuff and Mothers

2011-05-09T04:19:00.001+01:00

It was Mothers' day yesterday, but you lot are still hanging on to the last few hours of the Sunday. I phoned my mom this morning and we had a chat and it was nice. I don't send presents - the woman has everything and needs nothing. She's collected and purged so much stuff in her 7 decades; why would I want to add more? I think it becomes a burden. If I was to get something for Mom, I think I'd get her a Kindle. She was a mad book fiend all her life, but since meeting StepDad she's not as hungry for the yarn. Probably has something to do with real happiness and not reading about the adventures of others. Her story is really interesting just now. She's involved in her life. It's great to see. It's something I'm very grateful to StepDad for; giving Mom back her happy.

She's been in the hospital for the past week and a bit because my StepDad had major surgery. He's doing great, but the poor woman hasn't left the hospital in that time. Sleeping in bedside recliners and now she's finally got a proper bed. Selfishly, I'm delighted he's recovering so well. Mom will keep her happiness. He is her joy. I've never seen her so in love, and I was worried when he went in for his surgery to remove cancer from his lung - and it was a close call. He died for 15 minutes. - that she'd be devastated without him. I don't think it's any big secret she loves him more than she did my Dad. Theirs was a relationship of frustration; good and bad. This time around, she gets romance. I'm writing a thank you note to the surgeon who kept him alive by applying heart massage for those 15 minutes. So far he's got no neurological damage - that's stunning! Wouldn't you write a thank you note?!

I did have to ask Mom, and I asked today; did he see the white light? Did he find his passed loved ones? Did he feel the flames of Hell on his heels? Nothing. He got nothing. I wasn't the first person to ask him this - can you imagine?! I waited at least a week before getting insanely nosy. But he said it was anesthesia dreams and no Heavenly memories. You'd have asked too, wouldn't you? How often do you come across someone who's died and been brought back to life?? I mean as someone who doesn't work in a hospital.

Am I abusing the semi colon? I've kind of rediscovered it and I'm having my own romance with the semi colon. Do people even notice it? It's much more softhearted than a comma or ellipses. It's a wink or a nod.

I took a short writing break and started back with knitting. I think I've got the hang of it finally. I still struggle with Continental style or not and yarn in left or right hand and stuff is being made and coming along at a not too bad pace. I do find it much more boring than crochet. Probably because I have to concentrate on what I'm doing more than I would with crochet and as it's repetitive it's dull. I'd rather watch TV and mindlessly knit like I can with crochet but I'm not there just now so repeating the same four stitched over and over is getting blah. I rotate between three projects just to stop the boredom. I've ripped back many more. I have a bad habit of pulling things apart when about 40 rows into the pattern. "I don't like this as much as I thought I would; The yarn isn't right for this pattern; These aren't the right needles for either the yarn or the pattern." I get looks of horror from other knitters when I tell them. "You pulled it all out?! Why? You could've fixed it!" I just didn't like it. No hard feelings; not that invested.

You're noticing my semi colons now, aren't you?

I went for an eye exam. I'm getting older and my astigmatism is getting more annoying. I have one in both eyes now. One makes me short sighted, the other long. How's that for fun! I think I chose some nice frames; nothing too heavy or clunky or stupidly fashionable for my often plain face. One set of micro wire frames and another mildly fashionable. The word "varifocals" came into play at one point swiftly followed by "But you're too young yet for those!" Charmers.

Have had 2 really good writing ideas over the past few days. Aren't they always really good in the beginning?? they begin to suck shit once I try and write them. Can't I be the idea person? Can't someone else write it and I just yea or nae where they go with the story? No? Yes?

Bloggy Blues

2011-04-22T03:37:00.000+01:00

I don't know what to blog about. I'm sure I have tons but I've become rather meh lately. I don't know why. I'm content, moseying along. Feeling a tad guilty about my idleness but then I'm not idle, I just undervalue the role of a SAHM, which I shouldn't do, but I do and then there's that guilt. Which I'm not all that invested in so it's not an enduring guilt that motivates me to overachieve anything.

School hols just now, I've had 24 hour company for 2 weeks and I think I'm beginning to shut down and become a plank. It happens. Yet, on review I've done lots of stuff. Not so much with the kids. I took them to the park, to a movie, out to visit other friends. Trying to save money so no OTT extravagances. (Then again $70 for 4 movie tickets a kick in the gut. Good thing I bought cheap candy and bagged it up for each of us before we arrived)

I went to the taping of a popular Aussie comedy game show with my great freind, Jen. We had an awesome time, and after we met more folks for birthday cocktails. It's nice being in a city where they tape TV shows. I'm looking forward to more audience participation places.

On the tram in to the filming, there was a lady knitting on the tram. I admit, I was staring. Jen noticed I was staring and said "You're staring at that lady." The lady didn't mind, I asked her a few questions, talked about crochet, then we parted ways. It stuck in my head, as knitting, I've thus far let beat me. I've a dreadful history with knitting. Last attempt was when Mom was here in June last year. She told me to just stick with crochet. But I was reinspired by this lady on the tram.

I showed Jen how to loom knit, and she's giddy about it. We went yarn shopping with the kids (who were bored and annoying) and while there I bought some knitpro needles with detachable points. Jen just finished her first scarf and wants to go yarn shopping for more. I went trawling for patterns that would be a good way to practice my knit/purl but also be a bit challenging.

I'd recently started crocheting in cables and find it very satisfying. I made a lovely scarf for my friend Miranda. Cable inspired I sought an easy cable knitting pattern and settled on this one I found on ravelry. I like that it's also reversible. It's been a bit of a struggle, but it's coming along. I did have to go on youtube and watch a few knitting tutorials to see where other folks hold their yarn as I was knitting right handed and holding yarn in my left and it was becoming a muddle. I think the year of crocheting has helped me though, because I'm a lot more dapper with sticks and yarn than I was. Maybe I just needed to get my head around one stick before moving on to two.

Here's the scarf so far, it's not perfect, it's full of mistakes but not overly noticeable:

I'm not counting the rows properly, and for some reason I keep losing a stitch, then get an extra stitch. Some cables bleed into others and some keep to their own 4 rib set. *shrug* Do I want non-communing cables or anarchic orgy cables?

I've been cooking, too. With kids home all day that's three squares everyday being cranked out by moi and to be honest, it's annoying. All those extra dishes! Yesterday I was in the mood for banana bread and we walked to the local fruit and veg to see if we could get some cheap bananas. Since the Queensland cyclone Yasi wiped out the banana crop the price is wild at $12 a kilo ($6 a lb). Local lady had a box of browned bananas not on display that were perfect for baking. She sold me 8 for a dollar.

These were the best banana nut breads I've ever made. They came out perfect! Here's the recipe. You don't have to add nuts, or soy milk; use whatever milk you want. This is for the 2 loaves.

2 cups whole meal self rising flour
2 cups self rising flour
1 cup brown sugar
1.5 tsp nutmeg
2 tsp cinnamon
6 mashed very ripe bananas
3/4 cup canola oil
2 eggs
2 cups soy milk (more to add to get the right consistency of slightly thick but pourable batter)
130g bag of chopped pecans (You can use walnuts, but I prefer pecans)

Preheat oven to 150C Mix dry ingredients well to remove any sugar lumps, add wet ingredients and mix together until batter is somewhat thick but still pourable. Pour into buttered pans leaving an inch at the top, and put into oven. Now, my oven is awful and once preheated I have to reduce heat to 130C and cook for about 45-50 minutes and check often the middles ares are cooked through with a wooden skewer. You'll know your oven best so think of this as a low and slow cook. Let them have a relaxed cooking time and they'll remain moist and wonderful. Let cool completely and then slice and enjoy. Of course you can dig in while warm, but they don't slice as easily.

You can use plain flours but remember to add 1.5 tsp of baking powder and maybe a TBS of vinegar before pouring and get it straight into the oven.

I read American Gods by Neil Gaiman recently and it was pretty good. I'd bought it for Husband for some reason about 6 months ago; father's day, birthday, random act of kindness. I keep thinking about it, and it didn't annoy me over much. It was a great escapism story that I didn't find overly predictable. I liked how it was informative but I never got the feeling it wan infodump story. Dan Brown should take note. Husband thought it more predictable, we both enjoyed it though.

Currently reading Six Easy Pieces by Richard Feynman and Everyman's Rules for Scientific Living- a novel by Carrie Tiffany

It's Autumn and lovely.

I am bad

2011-02-24T05:05:00.000Z

Last week Sassyface's reader circle was assigned Wind in The Willows for home reading. She didn't seem very impressed. I can't blame her, it wasn't a favourite of mine either. (And for those of you gasping in horror, allow me to say I never liked Winnie The Pooh, so your contempt of me can me be complete!) She asked me over the weekend what the book was about. I said "Aren't you supposed to read it to find out?" to which she huffed and rolled her eyes. Husband was nearby, said nothing.

Then I said "You'll probably love it. It's all dark and terrible."

"It is?"

"Yup. There's an evil Wombat who wants to take over the river. He's trying to get the Golden Acorn which will give him limitless power and control of the whole world."

"Really?!"

"Yeah, it's right up your street. It's like Lord of The Rings, but for kids. Toad and Rat and a few others have to take the Golden Acorn up to the top of Mt. Doom and destroy it, to save the river."

"Wombat." Says Husband.

"Yes, evil Wombat." C'mon, roll with it, I glare.

And that was the end of it. She'll find out I'm full of shit by chapter four.

Today, she yells at me as we're walking home "You! You lied to me!" (I'm hearing this more often as she gets older. Eventually she'll learn to fact check)

"What did I lie about now?" because I lie all the time, although 99% of the time, I'm proven to be right and not a liar. I'm misunderstood, me.

"There is no evil wombat, or golden acorn! Wind and the willows is not a Lord of the Rings for kids!"

"There's not? It isn't?" Trying very hard not to wet myself laughing.

"Mrs. N asked each of us who our favorite characters were in the book. I told her, The Evil Wombat. She said there is no evil wombat in Wind and The Willows. I was embarrassed, but then I told her everything you said, and everyone laughed."

Tonight is parent teacher meetings. I think Mrs. N and I are going to have a fun chat.

Quickie goof moment

2011-02-23T21:10:00.000Z

Was perusing the facebook links that some my politically charged friends post while I'm sleeping and saw this one I read as: Homeless Marathon. I thought to myself, that's mean making homeless people run long distances. How could they have had adequate training? It's no better than Bum Fights! Then 2 seconds later, an actual heartbeat, I realised it was a charity run for the homeless. Then and there I resolved to have coffee first, internet after.

http://news.homelessnessmarathon.org/

I have a history of this. Yes I was the clueless one in my first sociology class who had no idea why there was such a hoohaa over youth in Asia. Fellow classmates passionately debating against them! I was smart enough to keep quiet.

Uninspired MeMe Thievery

2011-02-17T02:50:00.001Z

I know it's supposed to meme, but since these blog ones are all about the one person, I prefer to call them a Me Me.

I've not been up to too much, nothing worth writing about. Nothing positive. A lot of annoyance about noisy neighbours and complaining about why postal delivery guys don't walk through the very open driveway gate, but choose to open the awkward, spiderweb covered small gate five feet away? Completely illogical and yet they all do it. Not the same guy repeatedly, but a theme of consistently weird behaviour. Aw, now. See I started and now I have to show you...

See? It's not far between yucky bug covered gate and clean, wide open gate. And that tosser across the street is just one in a long line of tossers who's been working on that hideous monstrosity of a house. They have 3 or 4 kids, and used all the available backyard space for a pool. Which means the kids play in the driveway. Why spend millions (And that plot will have cost 1 millionish and the house another 200K, and the labor etc. ) then stick an ugly basketball net on the front of it? The kids play cricket in the driveway too, hitting tennis balls at my and our neighbour's house. From our house there are 4 parks, all with cricket pitches, within a 1/2 mile. They are ridiculous people.

Anyway, I was going to put up a Q&A I nicked from Roxy's blog. For something bloggy to blog.

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My hair.

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?

I own one hoodie and it's standard grey heather.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

That was my daughter, saying goodbye at school, so yes.

4. Do you plan outfits?

More often than I should. Not that it shows.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?

I'm chewing my cuticle, bouncing my right leg, scowling...normal for me.

6. What’s the closest thing to you that’s red?

Lipstick.

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?

I've been having lots lately but the one I remember was from weeks ago. It was drowning dream. I remember because I'd not had a drowning dream for years. It's from feeling overwhelmed.

8. Did you meet anybody new today?

No. But the day's not over yet.

9. What are you craving right now?

Time freeze device. I could do with a couple hours with the world frozen.

10. Do you floss?

Yes, but could always do more.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?

Spring rolls.

12. Are you emotional?

Yes. No! Maybe?

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?

As a child I'm sure I did, but probably in 100s.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?

I don't like ice cream. I prefer slush puppies. So I suck it.

15. Do you like your hair?

Not lately.

16. Do you like yourself?

Most of the time I'm pretty cool, other times I annoy myself.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?

Hell yeah! That would be a party conversation for life!

18. What are you listening to right now?

Airplanes, rain, traffic, birds, typing...

19. Were your parents strict?

No. They were mostly at work and too tired to be strict.

20. Would you go sky diving?

Sure.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?

Mostly no, I think it tastes like sick. I do love Cabot farm Vermont cottage cheese and have not found its like since.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?

Several UK B-list during Fringe Festival. I seem to have a running theme of always saying "You're not as tall as I thought you were."

23. Do you rent movies often?

No, I forget to return them on time so just don't bother.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?

I have daughters, there are always many sparkling things everywhere.

25. How many countries have you visited?

I dunno, too tired to bother. Let's say 8.

26. Have you made a prank phone call?

As a kid during the days before *69. "Is your refrigerator running?"

27. Ever been on a train?
Yes, apart from the daily commute to work pre Shorty, We took the West Coast rail line to Fort William for a weekend. Wish we'd gone along to Mallaig, too. It was a lovely trip. (That was before Harry Potter was famous and it was cheaper)

28. Brown or white eggs?

Free range.

29.Do you have a cell-phone?

Yes.

30. Do you use chap stick?

No. Blistex.

31. Do you own a gun?

No. But ask me if I can throw knives...

32. Can you use chop sticks?

Yes.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?

Family.

34. Are you too forgiving?

No, I'm just not bothered.

35. Ever been in love?

This is where we realise this MeMe was written by a 17 year old.

36. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?

I don't fucking know.

37. Ever have cream puffs?

This is where we realise this was MeMe was written by a 17 year old with food issues.

38. Last time you cried?

...No idea. I can have months of Vulcan like mal-affect.

39. What was the last question you asked?

All I do is ask questions, I'm not keeping track.

40. What is your favorite time of the year?

Autumn.

41. Do you have any tattoos?

Not a speck.

42. Are you sarcastic?

No, never.

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?

I've not been to Brazil to witness the power of their butterflies.

44. Ever walked into a wall?

Yes.

45. Favorite color?

Red.

46. Have you ever slapped someone.

Yes. Didn't help.

47. Is your hair curly?

Yes.

48. What was the last CD you bought?

Uhm...I have no idea.

49. Do looks matter?

Sure to an extent, but confidence and a sense of humor can trump looks any day.

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?

Forgive, sure. Trust, never.

51. Is your phone bill sky high?

No, we're not big phone talkers.

52. Do you like your life right now?

It's disgustingly easy and overly self indulgent. I'm the luckiest bitch around.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?

Never. I like quiet.

54. Can you handle the truth?

I strive for the ultimate truth.

55. Do you have good vision?

Depends on the day but overall it's pretty good.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?

I guess so, but I don't make a big deal about it. I just let them go about their douchebaggy ways and remove myself from their firing line.

57. How often do you talk on the phone?

Once or twice a week. If it rings.

58. The last person you held hands with?

Husband, last night, while falling asleep.

59. What are you wearing?

Get over yourself, creep.

60.What is your favorite animal?

I dunno. I'm partial to otters, but you know if you confess to liking any animal, you'll end up with everyone giving you tons of little otter knick-nacks and tee-shirts and dish cloths. It becomes a burden. A curse. "Gee I wonder what to get Lyvvie for a present - I know! she loves otters, I'll get her something otterish." Eventually causing a deeply, resentful loathing of anything otter.

61. Where was your default picture taken at?

Right here, at the desk, with the Mac.

62. Can you hula hoop?

Sure. A bit. My clicking hips gross people out, though.

63. Do you have a job?

If you suggest that mother and housewife isn't a job, I'll trade you.

64. What was the most recent thing you bought?

I spent money yesterday on new jeans, denim skirt, gym towels, tea towels (because I set one on fire Saturday), socks, knickers and a new sports bra. A red one. Aren't I racy.

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?

Yes. Why?

So there. My first MeMe of 2011 and hopefully the last. After 6 years of blogging I'm kind of bored with them. There's nothing new about them.
I'm going to make some coffee, have sloppy joe and chili olives for lunch and then watch my soap opera while folding laundry and roasting a pork leg joint and do burpees during the ad breaks because, this is a slow day.

Update* The roast was done at too high a temp because the oven is a fucking nightmare and it made so much smoke it set the fire alarms off. I had to have a friend collect the kids from school for me. But - best damned crackling ever!! It was worth the house that smells like pork fat. I will probably have to have the oven professionally cleaned before using it again.

My weekend stuff...

2011-02-07T00:44:00.000Z

We had a rainy, stormy weekend with leftovers from cyclone Yasi so we didn't bother to go out. Quiet weekends spent with the occasional staring at the ceiling as the metal roof is pounded so loud we can't hear each other speak is interesting.

So I did some crochet, I did some baking, fiddled with my camera and read some books. I spent much of yesterday afternoon desperately trying to avoid my kids because the cabin fever was setting in and I was getting that "I need my space!!" feeling.

Here are some pictures of stuff.

Restart of the crochet sweater. Here's the pattern if you're interested. I restarted it because I'd been flummoxed by the decreases which didn't match the picture and then I noticed my left edge was all messy because I'd been finishing in the wrong stitch. See how it's all neat and braided? That's how it should look. I also redid the ribbing because the pattern asked for knit 2 purl 2 but it looked weird, so I did knit 3 purl 2 and it looks more even this way. We'll see what happens once it gets 16 inches and I have to decrease again.

Husband's birthday cake. Cheesecake topped with lemon curd. It was awesome.

Making my own granola bars for lunchboxes. I'm tired of paying a fortune for crappy ones. I still need a good recipe for crunchy ones as these are chewy.

That's about it. Hope your weekend was good. OH! The answer to the cryptic clue?! Did you get it? Did you even try?

Silent film star's scene at Little Bighorn, as delivered by Spooner. (6,6)

What happened at Little Bighorn? Custer was defeated...or Beaten. Spooner that to get the name of the silent film star; Buster Keaton.

Try another one...

Burner of buns and more...(6)

(Part of the answer is in the question)

Flibbertygibbert

2011-02-05T07:05:00.000Z

I have no idea what to use as a title for this post so I just put what first came to my mind. Right now I'm all hepped up (Hopped up?) on double espresso (expresso, really because fizzbangwow!) and peanut M&Ms (Sugar and Caffeine are my drug) as Husband and I settled into an afternoon flick locked in our den/office/games emporium to watch Inception. It was kind of neat. I want to know what Freud would say about it after he got over the wonders of blu-ray of course. We let the kids have the other TV for any movie of their agreed choice with strict orders not to talk to us. We got interrupted once, and she got a flea in her ear and may never return again as she quivers from the double assault of "GET OUT!! Wait - Are you dying? No? GET OUT!!"". You will have no idea how long it's been since we've had a date night without kids. I can't even remember the last time and I'm sure even then, my heart/mind wasn't in it worrying about the kids. I'm such a drag.

Hey hey hey..look ---> see that green bar. Trounced it. Hate it to bits for it's unending suckage but it's done. HA! Now onto the next one. Three remember! Three. Going to do the three.

I am so thirsty...

I was looking at beachside properties today for fun, as you do. Found some amazing places in our price range, some really nice ones less than we're paying now for suburbia. Very very tempted. To smell the salty ocean every day? I'd be sad to get used to it, but when I'm there I melt into the sand and become part of the earth and it's home. Instant peace. I don't know why the seaside calls me, it always has. I rarely went to the beach as a kid, maybe that's why? I dunno. I just know I want to spend forever where I can see, smell, feel the ocean. But, one day. The kids love their school here so, they win. One day!

I need a new book to read. I may try one of husband's somber tomes for a change. His choice of books is ubercerebral where mine is pure escapism/entertainment. I read shit, he reads classics. Snore. At least it makes him easy to buy for so far as books are concerned.

Here's a cryptic puzzle for you: Silent film star's scene at Little Bighorn, as delivered by Spooner. (6,6)

It's the 31st of January - Fuck!!

2011-01-30T23:56:00.001Z

Janowrimo - has been a trip! I've learned a few things about myself. One, I can spontaneously organize a desk space and carve out a writing nest in 15 minutes. Two, I write better with the monster sized headphones on. Three, The kids see the monster sized headphones (MSH) as an invitation to ask me stuff of a lame nature, like "Mom, my leg hurt when I sat on it funny." Then don't sit on it funny! "Mom can I have the ...." Yes, whatever, just GO AWAY. Where the MSH were supposed to be a visual sign to leave me alone! Failed. Failed MSH. Three, I kept getting stuck and bored with my characters. They weren't exciting enough. Then I re-read what I'd put down and noticed; I write in all dialog. There was so little narrative it's no wonder they were boring. They had nothing to react with except each other. It's interesting that in a free flow exercise, I think in speech. Perhaps I should write stage plays instead?

Will I make the 50K target by tomorrow? Sadly no. Not too far off but I can't see me getting there. I lost a few days going on a spontaneous vacation (I wasn't passing up a free beach holiday) and then the few hot days we've had I can't use the computer as it overheats. I try and get all my "hot" chores (ironing, baking, tumble dryer) done early so I don't have to do them when the house is in the 90's. I have a lot written in my notebook that I've not transcribed and to be honest - I don't know the final word count. I may have made target after all! However, I'm erring on the side of no. Especially since, it's still not finished. Haven't got my conclusion.

I started reading On Writing and No Plot No Problem and both advised just writing, and that the characters should carry the story along without so much reliance on plot. I'm giving the characters free reign but they don't seem to be all that adventurous. I'm beginning to lose my patience. Where is this magic moment of plot bomb Eureka!? It's not happening yet.

I will keep going. I keep getting is flashes of ideas for other projects. I have to turn my notebook over and write those ideas upside down at the back to keep them separated from the main working one. You know, like the extra long advert sections at the end of some magazines.

When the writing part of the day is done, and I've done my chores, fobbed off vacuuming again until tomorrow (I really should get that done...but not now) I am cro-knitting. I found an easy knitting project pattern for a cardigan and am following the knit directions but using Tunisian crochet. So far so good. I still get a ribbed edging, a stockinette stitch and it's much easier. Annoying thing is it curls but that's the nature of TC. Once all the pieces are stitched up and it's blocked it'll be fine. It's given my hands a needed break, too. I was getting sore thumb and index joints but that's improved since I moved onto this. It's very hand friendly. Again, I'm following YouTube tutorials and it's all been good. I'll show you what I've got when it gets bigger. I may fuck it all up once I move onto other pieces and frag the whole thing.

Finally, I read a romance. I've been holding onto it for a while. I read Scoundrel by Zoe Archer as it was recommended by both Dear Author and got an A from the Smart Bitches Book Club. I thought I was in with a winner! I didn't mind shelling out actual cash for it as it came so highly pre-reviewed. My overall opinion? Meh. Maybe I'm just too nitfuckingpicky but if I have to be reminded every paragraph that the Hero is an experienced seducer and excellent lover, then they're doing him a disservice. I got a bit grumpy and was mumbling "Get on with it already, yeah yeah he's a sex god, I know." I felt the Heroine was better thought out and realistic as a character, even though she accepted her father's evilness a bit too easily in favor of the Hero. It wasn't that important, but I thought she could've argued Dad's case a bit more to make the eventual "You're dead to me!" bit more dramatic.

All the Greek history, sailor adventure stuff was good, too. The magic and warlocks and witches...not my thing. Gods had power and magic, magical creatures had power and magic, average people didn't.

I also found some of the sex scene language a bit icky but that could my prudishness sneaking in. I don't like all the soaking knickers and drenched pussy stuff. Even he was leaving slick trails along her skin from his cock - like a snail? I'm happy with a simple "wet" without making me wonder if they have bladder control issues. All that aside, I will say this is the first story I've read in a long time that made me believe in the "He says he loves me but I know he doesn't really love me? Wait...He really loves me?" line without me wanting to drop kick the heroine for being completely clueless. Nope, I actually like London, despite her confusing name since I kept getting mixed up at the beginning between the city and the character. I think you should only name your kids after great cities you don't plan to live in. People named Paris shouldn't live in Paris, people named Phoenix, shouldn't live in Phoenix. It's not like she didn't have a dozen other names.

So where everyone else gave it an A, I'm more of a C+/B- but only because of the constant reminding me that the Hero is a rogue in narrative and private thoughts.

I'm going to finish my anti-paranormal and then move onto the uptight single Mom chef and the teenage daughter's French tutor.

I have no idea why this ignores my italics commands but I assure you, I've tried to italicize book titles like a good girl.

Say it ain't so!!

2011-01-24T00:35:00.000Z

I've just had my wee inner pre-teen girl's heart broken. It's true. I should've just left well enough alone but no, some old curiosity crept up and I had to poke about for information. I wanted to know what my childhood love-crush of all love-crushes was doing now. I wanted to know who he was now since he's not 12 anymore. I know I've seen him on a few of my favourite shows over the years; NYPD Blue and Scrubs. He was good in those. What's he like now??

Oh Rick! Rick, Rick, Rick! How could you?! How could you become...a Republican?! And not only a Republican but a Bush supporting, McCain promoting Repugnican?! But worser still he's converted to Mormonism!! He's a Mormon Republican!! It's very disappointing. I am rended to the core!

I am gutted. Farewell Ricky, you poor deluded man.

Thank Goodness There's still Jason Bateman.

I wonder if it's the Mormonism and Republicanism that's made Rick age faster? Carrying around all that bullshit must be a burden.

Wiped out!

2011-01-14T00:29:00.001Z

Just back from a few days in Torquay - Victoria's Surf Capital! It rained the whole time, but rain just makes the water wet and since we were going for a first time try at boogie boarding, the rain wasn't an issue. The weather is still quite warm (30C/86F) and really muggy. Another dip in ocean was required to rinse off the sweat.

The kids and I had a great time, staying with friends in their beach house. I brought a couple of inflatable beds and all was good. My friend's husband, Nigel, poor man, the only male in a small house with 7 females ranging from 3-39. There was a lot of junk food eaten (which my guts are still rebelling against) which was required because one burns a lot of calories being beaten to a pulp by ocean waves. At one point I had to tell Shorty she needed to sit on the beach for a while and take a rest. She became obsessed with catching the next big wave. "One more big one, Mummy. I'm not tired!" then she would float and freak me out for a second. She was asleep in minutes once we got back to the house.

At dusk the place if full of Sulfur Crested Cockatoos which are the noisiest parrots. They are screechy and annoying yet fun to watch as they fly straight up and then barrel roll back down to the trees. They genuinely enjoy flying as opposed to just doing it because nature intended them for flight. Also on the outskirts of town the kangaroos come out and feed in the fields. We got to go watch them...for about 10 minutes. They're kind of boring if you can't walk up and touch them.

Apart from a tiny ant infestation (as in the ants were tiny because the fuckers got everywhere and were after the sugar and Doritos) it was a brilliant few days. Also, it was my first time driving on the highway in 11 years. Stressful enough, but it was blinding rain for parts of the 90 minute drive. I did fine. Kind of wished our wee Mazda was a tad heavier as the water runoff would pull the car's steering to the right every so often. I was knackered just from concentrating on the drive. Nearing the city there were cars flashing hazards on both sides of the road and large plastic pallets that must have fallen off a truck. I got lost at one point because I took a turn too early (Must remember 500 meters is not the same as 500 feet) and then got lost in the roads labyrinth and ended up at the shipping docks, which was neat seeing the huge ships but was not a public road so we scarpered quickly. We got home safe though and no one wet their pants, which in the last 5km was a possibility.

My friend gave me a big bag full of lovely wool yarn (1600g in beige and cream!!) from Bendigo Woolen mill (my favourite wool shop) with instructions to make something for myself, not for anyone else. So I'm giving this Chevron Lace cardigan a try. The PDF instructions are confusing and after a few pull-outs I finally got cussy and grumpy and just did it the way I think it should be done (Symmetrical pattern please!) and now it's working. Which in all honesty means I'm not doing this exact cardigan after all. I was doubly confused when her sample swatch was a different pattern than the main garment. *shrug* Also a chain of 47 on 8ply wool made a neckline like a choker and not a collar bone exposing, more comfortable, less strangulating beginning. I chained 67. Even then, and I'm about 25 rows in, I still think it could be more open at the neck. I rarely have occasion for a turtle neck shirt in Australia.

Working on the story. It's chugging along. Uphill. Being annoying. Not as much fun just now. I think I can, I think I can...

Rainbows not Gaybows!

2011-01-10T10:25:00.000Z

I do not have a speck of homophobia and am very pro love whoever you want. If you prefer same sex partners, great. It's a non-issue for me. I raise my kids to consider it a non-issue. Now that's as far as I'm going to go with defending my liberal ole' self.

What bugs me, is Sassyface has suddenly decided she can't have anything with rainbows on it because "People will think I'm gay." What?! You're a girl! Girls and rainbows and glitter and cupcakes- they all go together. There's not a thing wrong with a tweenie wearing a rainbow anything. But no, the toerag 6th graders are raised by shitheads who must be trickling their intolerant hatred upon their spawn. The 6th graders think anything rainbow is obviously gay. Gay gay gay, you big gaydo gayhead. Look at you with your cute sweatshirt with a RAINBOW on it, you so must be gay.

Those kids are now in high school. My girl is now a mighty 6th grader (in Feb) Guess who's going to be attending every single parents meeting next term. Guess who's going to raise a shit storm by encouraging all the parents to speak to their kids about not letting such prejudices seep into school and become bullying on the playground. And let's just remember: This is primary school. Not high school. These kids are 10-12 years old.

I remember 10-12 and there were no fears of the gayness taking hold because we dared to wear a rainbow! I may not remember how I first met people 20 years ago* But I remember never being concerned that someone would think I was gay. Even when I went to an all girls school. This may be because I wasn't gay so the thought never entered my mind. So far as I know, no one in our class was gay. They were all too in love Duran Duran for the subject to come up. But I don't remember it ever being an issue. Public high school, college, university...nope one could wear a rainbow and be instantly labled a fag or dyke.

Not too long ago it was purple triangles that were symbol for gayness, right? Or pink triangles? I think I'm mixing my TellyTubbies and homos, here... Yes, pink triangles because that's what the Nazis put on homosexuals in the concentration camps. That's reclaiming an identifier in a positive way. When did the gay movement drop the pink triangle begin using rainbows? Wait, look, there's a whole Wiki on the LGBT Flag.

So, rainbows don't automatically make you gay. Spread the word. Don't let homophobic Tweenies steal the colours! I wish I knew what to say to my daughter that will make her ok about rainbows. I still think rainbows are a lovely image for childhood and that's being taken from her. I'm not mad at the LGBT movement for using a rainbow, but I'm saddened that a wee girl feels she'll be labeled if she wears a rainbow.

(Turns out she wasn't the only one I'd lapsed over and I'm just going to accept that it was all the cigarette smoking I did in college that has caused memory lapses)

Is it the old age?

2011-01-09T03:13:00.000Z

I have forgotten how I met someone. It's very strange. I remember going out with them, I remember laughing, movies and conversations with them. I remember hanging out in the dorms. This was in university, so almost 20 years ago - I can be forgiven this one lapse? I have tons of memories but cannot for the life of me remember how we first met. We didn't have the same friends, didn't take a class together and they didn't live on campus. Of course I can't ask them how we first met because that would be hurtful and awkward - unless I'm being oversensitive and should hope they'd be satisfied I remembered the important stuff and not the initial meeting part. We could have met over the shared love of the giant waffle machine for all I know.

I wonder what else I've forgotten...

None of this would ever have happened if it weren't for Facebook.

Another thing; how many people have had or heard of others having High Fidelity moments since Facebook? You know, where an ex comes along and asks why things never worked out between you. Not because they want to reconnect (or maybe they do?) but because they're having some retrospective psychotherapy to find out why they can't maintain a stable relationship. I'm just wondering.

This post has no Title. Don't make it feel bad.

2011-01-07T21:40:00.001Z

Writing is going well. I've not done much the past couple days as we've been out but I have scribbled some notes and ideas in my notebook so I think that counts. I'll get some words down today if it's not too hot. When it's hot (yesterday was 31C/87F) the Mac gets really slow, overheats and crashes. Even with a fan on in the room, it struggles. Poor ole' tech. Hence more notebook than type.

Caught some tummy bug which makes me disgusting to be around - I swear my guts grumbled the Star Spangled Banner last night! So I shall not eat today unless I absolutely feel like eating one of the kids then I'll take that as a sign and have a salad instead.

Shorty may have found the shopping bargain of the decade - which is high talk considering we're one week into this decade - but she found a Littlest Pet Shop VIP pet turtle* for 5¢. That's right! After many double checks on the various scanners around Target, she got her stuffed turtle for a nickle. This little girl is everything LPS. She has over a hundred of the wee figures, a few of the playhouse sets, several of the stuffed animals, colouring books, reading books, DS game you name it. She's annoyed she doesn't have the library book bag and somehow I'm at fault for not knowing one existed and got one for her. But a VIP pet, with virtual playpet on the VIP website so she can also play with her turtle on the computer for a nickle?! Awesome. She was beyond psyched.

I don't mind that she is so one sided in her love for LPS. She plays with them all the time. She is an imagination factory with these things. If she didn't play with them as much as she does I wouldn't invest in them because what's the point? It's what frustrates me about SassyFace because she likes to just have things but doesn't play them much. She has Pokemon, Lego, robots, Star Wars stuff but it's like an old person who collects them, pulls them down to admire and then puts them away again. I get annoyed when she tells me she's bored - Go play with your toys then!! It's tough. She's a Tweenie. Not happy with toys but still wants them, but not ready to be into what the big kids are into (Thank fuck really because I hate Justin Bieber) so she's in this limbo.

My adolescent Limbo was taken up with riding my bike around town, investigating the woods, campfires, books, card games and solitaire.Too many hours watching Gilligan's Island, Three's Company and Scooby Doo. There was the Atari 2600 too and parents who loved anything that gave them quiet. I was a lonely kid too, not a ton of friends I could hang with. Sassy's the same and prefers her own company. I don't feel safe letting her out on her own - she's not canny enough. I restrict her TV and game time. So unless I go out with her, she won't go out. She's had withering hysterics at the thought of playing in the back yard. She plays between the role of Strong and Fearless and Fearful Wee Waif. Geminis!! Who'd have 'em?

When Shorty told me about her toy for a nickle, I asked her "A nickle?!" and she said "No, 5 cents." and I have to wonder if anywhere else names their other coins like Americans do? The Brits used to with old money but once they went metric it was all cents and pounds. Unless you were a gambler then there was Pony (£25) Ton (£100) Monkey (£500) and Grand (£1000) and many others. Aussies are the same. I must come across strange when I say things like "Nickle and dime it". Is there a special name for the minted dollar coin in America? Or is it boringly called "The dollar coin". I think keeping the tradition of pet names for individual coins is special. Do Canadians use the terms nickle and dime too?

*$95?!?!? Most of her ones (and she has six, her sister 2) cost $15. I feel sad for the moron who pays $95

Janowrimo!

2011-01-01T06:04:00.001Z

Happy New Year! I just turned 39. That's enough about that.

I started my Janowrimo today. I was rather excited about it. I've thought about different things during the week but didn't commit to anything. I'm all about not setting anything in concrete. I've re-read No Plot No Problem by by Chris Baty and even started On Writing by Stephen King again. I forgot how much I enjoyed that book. I did 2040 words and left it off for the day. I'll go back to my notebook, start on the next scene and mini plot. no big plots. One day at a time. It's supposed to be shit after all.

What's it about? Not entirely sure yet. I have a guy who writes a top TV show about psychics, vampires and supernatural everythings, and a woman who became a PI and investigates fake psychics after her Gran was swindled out of a fortune by a psychic who would heal her old age with prayer to some angel guides. He wants to know more about what she does and she's pissed at him for writing the kind of stuff that allows psychics to flourish and be taken seriously."Do you how many pages are taken up by clairvoyants in the yellow pages?" That's about all I got just now. I don't know what will happen, I don't know how they'll get along, although I have high hopes they'll eventually get to like each other. He's a nervous, observant, high energy type and she's a non stop talker who is well known for confusing non sequiturs but is highly organized and devoted.

Dealing with grief a bit just now. Got a call Wednesday from home that my Aunt had died. She'd been in hospital for a few weeks recovering from complications after a hip replacement. I myself wasn't very close to her. She lived in Texas and I only saw her a few times when she came up for family visits. I talked with her a bit over the phone, but the rest of the family had a much closer relationship with her than I did. Harder for me is knowing everyone else is so sad. I'm a weird one with grief, and I accept that. Others may not and that's their problem. I don't get all consumed and weepy. I did with my Dad when he died but I more angry about being robbed of him just as we'd started to have a normal relationship and he didn't think I was a fuck-up anymore. He started to like me as an adult and stopped treating my like his child and it was working for us, so that was hard to let go of. That's the thing with grief, it's like dominoes. In a week I'll be upset because Benji died and I loved Benji movies.

I got a call from Mom today wishing me a happy birthday, but I told her I'm changing my birthday to July. These weeks around December/January are full of deathaversaries. I was born and a few hours later my Grandfather had died (not because of that news, apparently he was happy about me being born) - my own birthday is a deathaversary. So, selfishly, I'm going to remove my birthday from this time which makes everyone sad and remember those who also died around this time of year and I'll just have a quiet champers on July 1st instead. I just don't like the association. *sigh* sadly stuck with it but bummed out nonetheless.

That's all. Happy new year. Be thankful you're alive and live well. We only get this chance once.

Why the hell not?!

2010-12-27T04:46:00.000Z

Do you know how many times I've started NaNoWriMo? 4. Four times. Do you know how many times I've finished NaNoWriMo? 0. Zero times. Because something always comes up and November is a really busy month if you're a mom. You can think that's an excuse but whatever to you, for me it's true. This November we went to Perth for Maja and Jason's wedding. How am I supposed to cram a 50K word novel into a vacation month? Plus all the school concerts, and xmas prep and play dates and other stuff? So you know what? November is bad month for me to be taking on such a challenge. You know what's a better time?? January!

Yes, January will be my NaNoWriMo as it's a novel writing month, it doesn't mean that month has to be November. Just a month. And January has 31 days! The kids are off school are are content to leave me alone if I put on a DVD. Now is the best time! Why should I beat myself up because I'm always struggling to make the quotas in November - November is a sucky month for me! Maybe in 10 years it'll be different but for now, suckville. January - now we're talking. Much more leisurely time. I'm in better control of time management, all the good TV shows are in rerun and rewards are plentiful as it's Summer!! Make my quota; hit the beach.

I did tarry with the idea of doing three in a row. First novel by Jan 31st., one week off to plan book two then hit book 2 for 30 days (Feb 8th - Mar10th) one week off to plan next one and then plunge into the final book (Mar 17th - Apr 16th) That's three novels in three months. Then I'd spend the next 2 quarters of the year fleshing, cutting and editing. By this time next year, I could have 3 completed novels and an ulcer. What better way to overcome my anxiety than that kind of deep end?

For now I'll content myself with January. But the crazy person within loves the three book plan. It's already creating people.

Remember that episode of Star Trek Next Gen when...

2010-11-28T08:12:00.000Z

...everyone was getting sick and no one knew what was causing everyone's random ailments? One got a head ache, another a rash, and then some just up and died and there was no common trend and it turned out to be an invisible alien race doing experiments with weird torture devices and probes and things!? I think I have one of those invisible aliens mucking me about. I keep getting a swollen tongue every few weeks and I have no idea why. If it's an allergy, I can't find the common denominator. Then I keep getting a claggy ear that clicks and hurts like hell when I sniffle or blow my nose. I'm tired all the time and then get energy and feel fine at around 10pm. I get incredibly thirst about an hour before bedtime but don't want to drink too much or I'll be peeing all night. I don't think it's anything in particular (Yes my blood sugar is fine) and the symptoms are too random to be any one thing - not that I'm a doctor but it's pretty annoying and I can't stand going to a doctor and sounding like a hypochondriac, then being told it's probably some virus and to wait it out. I'll wait it out and save the cost of the appointment fee. But I needed to bitch about it and now I have and now I'm done.

Going to begin half marathon training.

Watched a show where they did tests on Lycopene and its supposed ability to boost the skin's sun protection and sunburn less. They gave the teat subjects regular old tomato paste and told to take 2tbs per day (in recipes was fine) for a month and be retested for their burnability. Surprisingly, it worked! So guess what I'm doing. It's not so bad on crackers with a bit of cheese or spread in a sandwich. We'll see if it keeps me from turning into shoe leather in this Aussie sun. There was another bit where large amounts of fresh spinach - or Lutein helped protect the macula from damaging sun rays. Was very interesting.

On the Sun point - Sunshine, where have you gone? It's been cold, rainy and blah for ages! It's like a very long winter.

Kids were watching The Mask today. I said to Shorty "This movie has some naughty words in it." she answered "That's ok, I'll be sure to forget them." and for some reason, the conversation reminded me of this video:

Getting things ready for the ThanksCrimbo. The kids are making paper chains, paper snowflakes and stars. I tried to find earth toned construction paper so the kids could make Indian headdresses but the shops have moved on to more seasonally appropriate colours. Ah well. They can still do hand draw turkeys, I suppose. I'm also crocheting up some snowflake ornaments that I'll give away to guests.

I bought a bucket today that will serve as a brining bucket for the turkeys. It's going to be fun! I'm going to pre-make pumpkin and sweet potato mush for pies and I keep thinking I need an alternative meat than turkey - but what?! Maybe just a lasagna? Can you believe it's been so long since I've been to a family Thanksgiving that I forget what's served. That's mental right? My childhood memory consists of three important items: turkey, pumpkin pie and black olives. My Mom spoiled us with tinned black olives on TD and then she'd be pissed at me for eating them all. What's your favourite dish at TD?

The Lament of the Neglected blog...

2010-11-25T02:17:00.004Z

I don't know why I've been avoiding my blog. Well I kind of do, I find since it's not completely anonymous anymore that it's not as fun. I have to censor myself. But I shouldn't - It's My blog. The point of a blog is it's my place to waffle on about my opinion, especially opinions I wouldn't otherwise share in daily conversation.

How many posts have I done on this same concern? After blogging for more than five years you'd think I'd have gotten over the anxiety of offending someone.

It's late Spring here, and the weather is getting wonderful, except today where it's pouring. We're out of the drought that's plagued the state for over 10 years and water restrictions are being lifted. I'm going to get the kids a paddling pool for the summer - they'll need it! On the very hot days last year I kept the tub filled and let the kids dip in and cool off whenever they needed. In the privacy of the home, neighbours couldn't tsk me for wasting valuable drops. Then again, why don't they tsk the council that tells us our allotted time for watering outdoor plants is 10am on a Wednesday - when the water will scorch the plants and then evaporate? This year, paddling pool and less wet floors and carpet.

We went to Perth last week for Geezer and Maja's wedding which was stunning! We spent the week there and had an amazing time not just hanging out with some spectacular people, but being part of the wedding was the highlight of our time here. Their friends and family are some of the nicest, funniest and approachable folk I've ever met in my life. Sure I had to explain a few times that I knew the couple from the internet and we'd only met face to face a few months previously. The venue was a winery and it was great, although I was a bit of a dork taking pictures of ducks and swallows that were everywhere. The kids had a blast and I'd never been to a wedding where kids were not only so welcomed but specially catered for. It made the whole affair much cozier.

Sadly I know not how much of the night went after about 10 pm because due to my not paying attention to the ever-filling wineglass I got completely toasted. I even remember thinking at one point - gee I should slow down and drink something else for a bit, but quickly ignored myself. I haven't been that drunk in eons. Of course when one gets that drunk, embarrassing things happen. Things Husband was a bit embarrassed about. I don't know if others knew...I'll tell now.

I realized late in the evening that I was going to be sick. I'm sure the end of evening glass of port that was handed to me was the tipping point. The last time I was sick was in January of 95 from food poisoning. I'd gone a long time without chucking my guts. But I became so worried about embarrassing myself by being sick at the wedding, I found I couldn't be sick.

I was then told the midnight bus was coming to bring us back home. I double panicked, still utterly drunk, that I would puke on the bus. I went back to the toilets and grabbed a roll of toilet paper, thinking that if I was sick on the bus I was going to have to clean up my own mess. This was no household toilet roll, it was an industrial sized toilet roll. Which I knew I'd look silly walking out of the bathroom with, so I hiked up my dress and clenched it between my thighs, hoping no one would notice and slow staggered back to my table. Once I thought no one was looking I crammed the huge toilet roll into the gift bag provided for the kids to entertain themselves and...I have no idea. I remember being on the bus and telling myself "Almost home, almost home" half asleep and trying to forget feeling sick. I remember walking back to our cabin at the caravan site, looking at the stars, my wonderful daughter finding Mummy funny as she meandered about, and apologizing to her for being so out of my own control. Once inside the cabin, I was finally able to be sick in private. I remember a fleeting glimpse of Husband wiping down the bowl before I stripped and then passed out.

Husband was mortified about my nicking the toilet paper - What would people think about us taking toilet roll from a fancy winery wedding?! Like trailer park people! (Which, technically, at the time, we were) but I hadn't been able to tell him my stupored* reasoning was I took it in case I was sick on the bus. I was mildly hungover that Sunday and just wanted to forget that part of the night. So annoyed with myself that I missed a lot of fun stuff at the wedding. But if anyone had noticed, they'd been kind enough to not mention it to me. I felt even more abashed the next time we met up with the newlyweds and they kept apologizing to us for not spending more time with us. Sorry guys, and thanks again for an amazing adventure! (Pictures from the trip are here and here)

Now we're home and it's back to the grind. The kids have their last three weeks of school before breaking up for summer vacation. I'm hosting a ThanksCrimbo Day next weekend with turkey, BBQ and pumpkin pies where the kids can make Indian headdresses and turkey hand drawings to stick on the wall, and after food, we'll let them decorate the Xmas tree before heading out to the paddling pool with a popsicle.

I've been absorbed in my Annotated Pride and Prejudice, loving it so much because I knew there must be a lot of things I wasn't getting about this story. The annotated version gives great detail about manners, rules of society and even the rankings of society. Pictures of the different carriages, and explanations of the wealth. I also understand better just how evil Wickham truly was, how clueless Darcy is about how others perceive him and...well it's been great fun. I haven't read The Iron Duke yet, but it's next and I picked up a book in the Borders $5 sale called Everyman's Rules for Scientific Living by Carrie Tiffany which is set in Australia and was nominated for tons of awards.

* Yes, I just made up that word. Also I did put the book titles in italics, I even went and did it withing the code but for some reason it's not working. Forgive me, blame blogger!

Sarah Palin gets it very wrong, Richard Tillman explains...

2010-10-19T01:15:00.000+01:00

I have some fabulous friends on Facebook, who like many of my blog friends, I've never met. Yet we agree on so many things, I can only imagine if we ever got together it would be the most fantastic BBQ going. A grill in every corner; one for the vegetarians, one for the meat lovers, one to pretend to grill babies for the atheists to laugh and snicker about and the last one for marshmallows, s'mores and other BBQ'd orgy of sweets.

I had one friend share a link to this quick video of Sarah Palin speaking in San Jose on the 14th Oct.

Oblivious on purpose to the fact that the Tillmans are highly outspoken atheists. I mean - really outspoken.

"I don't go into a church and say "This is bullshit," Don't come to my brother's service and tell us he's with god. He's simply not with fucking god."

It's highly offensive, ignorant and disrespectful. Palin is clueless. Richard gave this interview two weeks prior to Palin's speech. Does she have no one fact checking for her? Is the family's wishes and atheism so insignificant and inconvenient for to her cause that she hopes no one will notice?

~~~ now for something inappropriate ~~~

Is it wrong for me to have a swooning crush on Richard Tillman? Wow he's hot! Outspoken, badass hot. He's oozing Alpha charm. IMDB has no age listed for him, which I'm happy about. I hate that I'm reaching that creepy cougar age. If he's younger than 30 - don't tell me! I'm nearing 40 and ovulating so I just can't help myself.

So young, so bitchy!

2010-10-18T22:23:00.000+01:00

That's me it seems! I did the blog trawler thingie at Urlai (click the blog title for link) which tries to guess the blog's purpose or theme. Here's the sum up: "lyvvielimelight.blogspot.com is probably written by a female somewhere between 18-25 years old. The writing style is personal and upset most of the time."

Upset?! I'm not upset. Do I come across as upset? Crap I've made a boring blog by vetching all the time! You must all think I'm some cross, angry ranting type person! I'm not. I'm really rather laid back, quiet, highly opinionated, youthful with bouts of hyperactive anxiety. I wouldn't say I'm "upset"

Do you think I'm upset? Do I blog as an upset person?

Well, not counting this post...

And even then I'm not really upset, upset. I simply feel misrepresented! Although, the 18-25 year old bit has perked me up. If it can't get that right - then it's obviously bunk! It's my overwhelming Yootful exHooberance!

I should try and be a tad more academic. I know I know, it all goes to shit after leaving school.

Stephen Fry adds to the trend...

2010-10-15T02:31:00.000+01:00

He's part of this trend that seems to be telling me, I should be writing. Truthfully I need someone to tell me to not feel bullied by those word Nazis who will red pen my every sentence and crush my spirit.

Ooer I love the caress of "Sound-sex" and I love Stephen Fry.

I follow trends, not signs...

2010-10-14T22:34:00.000+01:00

It's interesting to note that there are trends that occur that are coincidental on the surface but not really when looked at closer. I've noticed a trend guiding me to write. I've been actively avoiding writing as of late. I don't know why. I think I got bored with writing. I think I got angry at writing. All the effort and thinking I'm clever with words that I refuse to share with others in case they tell me I'm not as clever as I think I am, which means I must not think I'm as clever as I think I am so it becomes an exercise is self loathing and then wallowing silently in big pouty bottom lipped pity. I keep my personal dramas to myself, and trust me, you're glad for that.

Now it's trends. See, I don't believe in signs anymore. I used to, but not now. That goes away when we remove gods, ghosts, angels and the whole supernatural category from the equation. No, it's trends now! So I've been whining silently that I want to write. Whimper, whine, more bejeweled and Facebook to avoid the growing hole of wanting to write. I won't look at the books on how to write on my shelf. I'm not going to look at the notebooks I've collected over the years with half efforts. I'll not even go near the stationary aisle and want to pickup an fresh, empty 5 subject notebook to fill with whatever my wee heart desires. I think I'd finally moved past the yearning and into something else entirely (crocheted Sassyface a cardigan - it looks awesome!) when someone, some random person on whose blog I used to follow, under the folder of "Writing" on my google-reader which I've not read in months because I'm not worthy and just didn't want to be jealous and crushed all the time reading of others successes, mentioned it's coming time for NaNoWriMo.

Fuck! Just Grrrrr. Fuck fuck fuck. Usually I remember this on the 3rd of Nov. or some other late date and shrug and forget it all. But now I have weeks! Even though one of those weeks in November I'll be on vacation. Heeeeey...I'd forgotten that fact until just now. I'm not going to be near a computer for one of those weeks! Ha! Fuck you trends! No need to buy a notebook, or write a synopsis or even plot! No need to torment myself with my lack of ability! No need to pay it any mind at fucking all.

Why don't I feel better?

Testing a hypothesis...

2010-10-01T00:32:00.001+01:00

I found a crochet pattern I like but it's in a slavic language I don't understand. Probably German. I'm going to try and copy/paste here and then let google translate it.

...well that didn't work.

I was supposed to delete this after. This is the cardigan I'm wanting to make. I can get google to translate the page, and I'd hoped I could get the PDF translated the same way by downloading, copy/paste here then google-translate that. No joy. the PDF was saved as a gif or something and is treated as an image. I'm not motivated to retype the German. I don't even have the keyboard characters for half of it.

I'm pretty sure I can find a similar pattern and try and figure out some kind of Frankenstien mash-up of a cardigan.

What's your favourite colour, Roxy? ;)

Ninja astral projection sex goes horribly wrong...

2010-09-22T09:04:00.000+01:00

For truth. I have no idea what to say about this. It's amusing, disgusting, creepy and then hysterical. I love Japan.

"I find it odd that the only two acts from this ludicrous series I can get away with posting have a Don Ho-inspired theme...In this scene from the third installment of "Female Ninjas: The Magic Chronicles" (1993), hot little kunoichi Osaba and Richard Simmons' intern Sumino break from their dual in a last ditch attempt to ditch their V Cards...having astral projection sex?! Breaking it off before The Big O, Osaba demonstrates how she won a lawsuit against Massengill."

Ninja astral projection sex goes horribly wrong...

Who wrote this script?

You were always on my mind...

2010-09-19T03:25:00.000+01:00

So where's the brain brillo pad because I want to scrape that crap off!? Nothing worse than dried, crusty, stuck-on memories that pop up in dreams of all places and then set up home in my mind for a few days. The subconscious is such an annoying thing. It's all symbolism and metaphor that's completely personal and makes no sense to no one else. It's purpose is unfathomable. I had a dream the other night of an ex boyfriend. I can't even remember the dream now but I've talked before that his appearances are always a symbol of my insecurity about place in society and having personal strength to not let myself be taken advantage of. Because he was in reality someone who took advantage and was a total coward and we'll leave it at that. That all aside, when he shows up in a dream I'm left thinking about him for a day or two - why?? Why not just say "creepy dream" and let it drop? I hate that I allow myself time to reflect on parts of my past that do nothing but remind me of what a perfect decision it was to let him go and move on to where my happiness was going to satisfied. If the dream's purpose (as if a dream has a purpose, which I don't believe. Dreams are merely memory soup and replays of daily automatics) was to remind me of that - why can't it play a dream of me overcoming adversity and leaving me, upon awakening, feeling fucking chuffed at what a hero I truly am? I need a new brain.

I had a youtube comment sent to me today that read:

"I feel really sorry for you finding the love and forgiveness of God scary. Do you have any idea how unloving and unforgiving society was before Christianity? Your children deserve to know about God."

I didn't elaborate too much in my response on the naivete of this comment because they seem to be the softly, loving kind of Christian I find the least offensive, yet this comment still bothers me. History will show many centuries of disgusting war and violence was meted upon societies across Europe, Africa and America all becuase of a belief in God and the bible as the word of God. Society didn't suddenly become glowing warm fuzzies and perfect after Jesus was resurrected.

Do I find God loving and forgiving? Was telling Abraham to murder his only son, Issac, who he loved as an offering to God the kind of thing a good god/father asks his son? Sounds a bit cruel to me. I'd have said no. But Abe didn't, putting his poor son through who knows what kind of terror as he raised his knife ready to slash into him. Imagine what dinner was like at Abe's that night, son glaring at father for almost stabbing him, Abe feeling...what do you think he'd feel like? "Lucky for us that ram happened by, eh son?" I could go on, but that would be boring. And none of this "That was OT God, not NT God," crap either because even Jesus thought God was cruel and explains why in the parable of talents....which is followed by the story of where Jesus tells his followers to go steal a horse for the Lord as if that's explanation enough for horse rustling...which is a sin, right? Convenient how the rules only apply sometimes.

My kids know about gods. Many of them. Through stories and history. They see the patterns of man who create religion as a tool for order. To organize society. To tell them one god is better over another is unfair because who can know if any one is right? I do not teach them the entire concept of worship except that it is what people do in religion. That we do not worship anything nor beg supernatural beings for support or personal preference. If we want something done, we have to make it happen ourselves, if it doesn't go our way then that is just how it is and there are no other explanations.

I'm out to get my hair done today, cut and lowlights put through. I've decided to stop colouring my hair and let the grey show. For a while, maybe a year - I'll have lowlights put through to make the line between old colour and natural less stark and trashy. I think the natural will suit me. It seems to have gone a lighter, ashy brown with the grey mixed in. I have a grey streak at my left temple. It will probably naturally streak blonde in the summer. I have noticed my eyebrows have white hairs in them, and even my eyelashes have a few whites too. No joy on armpits though and the rest is none of your business.

I'm sorry, I thought you just said you were pregnant...

2010-09-11T00:32:00.000+01:00

I had a brain meltdown today. It was one of those moments where my impulse to blurt out my first thought of "Are you fucking insane?!" was countered with "Just smile and shut up." which I'm sure ran across my face at lightning speed. I never used to be very good at the verbal restraint, I seem to have improved. But for hours after I felt traumatized, in a way, because - I had no one to tell. I had no one to share a knowing glance that said - we need coffee and gossip NOW. So dear blog...

There's a Mom at the school, she's slightly awkward but nice and sincere. A tad clingy with a hint of desperate. She told me of having grand mal seizures around April and I felt sympathy for her because that must be dreadful and terrifying and being on medication that makes you sluggish is depressing. She lives close to the poverty line and I don't know if she's on public assistance, but I would assume it's likely*.

We are not close, we are acquainted. I learned to be an acquaintance of people like that because they soon become all consuming black holes of need. I prefer less drama in my life now. She stinks of burgeoning drama.

A couple months ago, I noticed she had a man standing with her to collect her daughter after school. He was small, weedy and looked malnourished. A pint-sized, leathered Chav. She's nearly six foot tall, so they stood out as an oddity. The gossip ran that she'd met him via a friend and had been texting each other for a while. He's from another city, came a long way to meet her. He was staying with her. She beamed with happiness. Who am I to deny anyone a bit happiness?

I've noticed he wasn't around the past few weeks, but the mom didn't seem crushed to her soul or anything, although there was one day she left the school, pink nosed and sniffling...I didn't make eye contact. Call me a coward, but I had an idea what it was about and I wasn't very interested in swirling around that tub drain for a few hours.

Yesterday, while picking up the kids tall mom was there, happy and animated and I listened as another freind talked with her, mentioning larger trouser sizes. There is only one way a conversation about getting bigger in the waistline doesn't result in tears but smiles. It was that moment my face must have looked alarmed. I was telling myself, no. No, don't fucking say it...

"She's going to have a baby!" my friend said to me, slightly more wide eyed than normal. She may as well have handed me a plate of hissing snakes for my instant reaction was shock, revulsion and horror. I'm not even sure I said anything. Maybe "Oh!" like I'd just been goosed. "I'm 9 weeks," mom beamed. Is it cruel and heartless of me that my first thought was - there's still time to fix this mess?

Of course there is absolutely nothing I can do or say to her. Nothing. We aren't friends. She is a train wreck a-coming and I have to stand back and let her pass by. I do not look forward to the many months of seeing her struggle, I wish there was a way I didn't have to witness it, but I will. Bite my tongue a lot. Bring a book and use it as a shield of indifference.

I feel dreadful and guilty and annoyed. Yes annoyed! I know it's very selfish of me to be annoyed about someone's pregnancy especially when they are so pleased about the situation. That just annoys me even more. Doesn't she see the pitfalls and traps of this? Doesn't she see the many, many years of pain, argument and disappointment coming her way? Am I just seeing all the gloom of this? Where is the bright light? What am I missing?

Oh, yes. I forget. She's a black hole of need. I will not get sucked in...

I feel like Cassandra.

(Not that there's anything wrong with being on welfare. I've known people who've been in hard times, and used the welfare system to educate themselves, gain trade skills, get descent care for their kids and came out the other side with careers and be amazing productive people. It's a shame to see welfare abused and earn a bad name and I'd like to see more people who've used it properly to better themselves come forward and sing the system's praises. I hold no prejudices against folks on welfare unless they are lazy slobs who milk the system. I do not think this is Tall Mom. She's surviving.)

Two in one day! When it rains it pours...Razor Labia!

2010-08-26T09:19:00.001+01:00

This is something I've been keeping to myself because I know no one else will agree with me, but this is why I have a blog after all - to share these ideas and thoughts, to get them out there in the ether and set them free from the confines of my brain because sometimes this shit keeps me up at night.

Does anyone else find these things disturbing?

That's the Venus "Embrace" lady shaver. When I see this thing I can see full pink labia surrounding 5 razor blades. And this is supposed to be an "Embrace"?? It makes me feel funny inside and not in a good way. I'm sure Venus would agree that the beautiful labia and joyful depths beyond should never revile with the threat of razors.

Wait, I've realised I have this wrong. This subliminally demented product (And this is where I regret having been a Psych. major) is called "Spa Breeze" but still, it freaks me the fuck out and sends me running to Schick. The embrace has blue labia instead so it's more like a dead labia instead.

That's all the crazy for now. I think. We'll see. Now that I've started, who knows.

Oh hey! I have a blog?

2010-08-26T08:47:00.000+01:00

Hello blog, I've been away. So sorry. Very neglectful and mean of me to let you get dusty and motey. I was busy doing other stuff for a bit. I had my brother come over for a visit and then a week after he left, my Mom came and stayed with us for a month! I've been playing the tour guide and having fun and now they're gone and I'm a bit sad and lonely again, so i hope dear blog that you won't be too pissed off at me for dissing you like I did.

As it goes I don't have too much too talk about. Life goes on as it does. Winter is coming to an end, signs of Spring are everywhere. It's still cold and raining too much, but I have a car now and I do get out of the house a lot more. Of course after all the visits and meals out I'm insanely broke. I wonder how long it will be before the family realizes how much smaller their dinner portions have become? It'll do us good. I give the kids extra and Hubs and I less because we have extra padding to shed anyways. We're saving our pennies for a trip to Perth for Maja and Geezer's wedding which we're all excited about.

I had a WTF? moment today; have a few folks on Facebook who i went to school with, including my old biology teacher. He doesn't update much, but he did put up pictures recently of a ghostwalk and commented on all the orbs he's seen. I'm gutted. Disappointed! A man of science! Orbs! I think the only thing I can do is become a biology teacher. There has to be balance somewhere. It won't be fun either because I don't much like other people's kids, especially once they're teens and I don't like bullshit and backtalk and stupid. But I deflated when I saw his pictures of orbs and thought why hasn't he questioned them? Perhaps he has, he must have! I hope he's just goofing around.

Anyway, pictures!

Mom with ParrotCarson and the GirlsCarson and the Girls in ChinatownAnnoying shrieking possum next to my house.

Possum was just close and annoying. Have I shared the spider yet? I have a spider that comes to our bathroom window nearly every night. I can tap the glass, open the window and make all kinds of noise but this thing won't move. She hangs out near another spider's web and steals all its food.
Yup, that's her! She's been around for about a month now. Next time I see her I'll film her. I'm also planning to turn the hairdryer on her to see if the warm window makes her move. I'm not brave enough to go into the alley next to the house and see her from the outside because these spiders jump and I'm not looking for any PTSD. She's about four inches wide at her widest leg span. Husband hates her. She won't move an inch for me, but as soon as he pees before bed she wanders about and it freaks him out. He's extra squicky about spiders. I'm amused by them and respectful of their fangs, he's all for the "Kill them all!!" clan.

Checking out gyms, planning new torment and clubs for the kids, life is as life is. What's up with you?!

Crochet Beret

2010-07-02T02:53:00.001+01:00

I love a beret. It's one style of hat that works with my round face and head. I followed the tutorial from Teresa and used her written instructions from the website linked on the video. Although she does hers in all half-double crochet, I did mine in Double crochet because it was easier to work the chunky yarn. I only used HDC on the brim. I did this in three hours because I had to pull and restart a couple times but actually it's very easy and straight forward.

I've used Sirdar Super Chunky washable wool and a H/5.00mm hook. I probably should have gone down a hook size, but this suits me fine being a bit extra floppy. It can be more than just a beret.

I'm going to pop out and grab another skein of this if I can still get one from the bargain back room at the yarn shop and make a matching scarf.

Only downside is on the increase rows, there's a noticeable bulging that I hope will disappear after it's washed.

In other news. We got the new car on Wednesday. I had a drive about at an industrial park to try and get used to the feel of the car. Today, I'm going to venture out and get some groceries and get used to being a driver again. I used to be a great driver - I drove a lot. Hundreds of miles a day at one point taking a course. Having kids has made me impossibly anxious - don't fall, don't run, don't eat that, come back - I'm nervous about everything. Being in a car has become torture because everyone is out to smash into the car. They are! They all want to crush us. That's how the brain works now. Someone coming out of a side street is a threat, not normal. I worry if I'll manage to bring my legs up in enough time to stop the car engine from crushing them during a head on collision. I am quietly batshit crazy. I know this. I don't let the crazy show too much on the outside.

I know it's irrational. It drives Husband crazy because I'm an obnoxious passenger. I never used to be until there was something precious in the car. Doesn't help that the first day out in the car some dumb bitch tried to drive through us to get into our lane so she could get to the mall. We're in a bright blue car! How could you not see us?! Oh because you're way up there in your stupid Land Cruiser. I hate you and your stupid gas guzzling monstrosity that really just shows you couldn't afford a Land Rover and are compensating. Stop enabling my overanxious mind with your bad driving!

Of course my plan was to go out right after typing this....but it's raining. *sigh* I should buck up and go.

Celebrate Celibacy and OMG I don't want to know!!

2010-06-26T07:06:00.000+01:00

Sassy - I'm Gay.

Me: What do you mean by "gay"?

Sassy: I don't want to have sex with boys.

Me: Do you want to have sex with girls?

Sassy: No?! (with a face of confused revulsion)

Me: Then you aren't gay, you're Celibate.

Sassy: What's celibate?

Me: When you don't want to have sex with anyone.

Sassy: Ok. I'm Celebrate.

The next day...

(We're watching TV for about an hour when suddenly...)

Sassy: Humph!

Me: What?

Sassy: You lied to me!!

Me: (confused) About what??

Sassy: You told me - You. Told. ME that boys don't get a puberty. Tom (her newest best friend) told me boys do.

Me: I'd never tell you boys don't have a puberty. Of course boys have a puberty or they'd never become men. (This went back and forth a bit with a "No I didn't" "Yes you did!" theme) I may have told you boys don't have a period...

Sassy: What's a period again?

Me: (finding strength) When you start getting the monthly bleeds.

Sassy: Oooooh. That might be it. Sorry Mummy. (moment of thought) Tom told me boys get a puberty and that white goop comes out of the end of the penis.

Me: (I want to strangle Tom) That's the male body making sperm so they can make babies.

Sassy is then completely disgusted and changes the topic to the safety of Pokemon.

I'm still having palpitations.

I hope you aren't sick of birds...

2010-06-15T00:49:00.000+01:00

Because we went out this weekend and took lots of pictures of birds and mushrooms. So if you're sick of the birds, then admire the thick, purple, slimy headed fungi instead:

Mental meanderings.

2010-06-02T03:51:00.000+01:00

I live near this small office building on the corner of the main road. It has a designer's office for posh kitchens and the local Liberal M.P. keeps an office there and an original t-shirt design shop. The last office, underneath the others, as the office is on the crest of a steep hill, is an empty glass fronted corner space. It's been empty since I moved here in July last year. The windows are dusty and have no signage to tell me what this large space was used for. It has a clinical, accounting feeling to it. It's a serious place, with no time for artwork to be hung on the walls or magazines offered to those who must wait. It's still furnished with a small sitting area, a secretary's desk and a printer to the side. There's a piece of paper sticking out of the printer. The desk has someone's eyeglasses on top of a cleared desk blotter.

It's remained like this for a long time. No one inside. No one has read the page in the printer. No one has come back to collect their glasses.

This scene makes me ask so many questions. I ask them every time I wander past this window on my way towards home. I want to know what the paper says. I want to know if there's a layer of dust on glasses. I wonder if they operate at night and that's why I never see them. I wonder if something terrible happened... then I really wonder what that paper says.

Today, the paper and the glasses were gone. Today I have many more questions but I also feel a bit disappointed because that scene has inspired so many explanations over the months, that now with the possibility of a new tenet, I've lost my regular mental wonderings. I hope the new people will be equally visually entertaining.

I went into town to get some bits and pieces for Sassyface's birthday this morning. On the tram home this morning, a man who was having an animated and disgusting conversation between himself and the voice in his head, sat behind me. He was talking about playing footie later, showing off for the girls. He likes the school girls who get on the tram. Where are they? The tram is no fun when the school girls aren't there, he grumbles. Maybe he should talk to her instead.

"Want to go for a drink?" (It's 10:30 am)
"No thank you" I answer.
"You're a bitch. You don't like me, so you're a bitch."
"Nah you're all right, it's your friend I don't like."
"Oh. I understand. Bye."

I left at the next stop.

The hedgerows have red fly agaric mushrooms popping up all over. I've never seen them before except in storybooks. I even looked for them every Autumn in Scotland because you'd think they'd be everywhere but sadly not. Australia; there are plenty. Deadly, poisonous and beautiful. Big too! I never realized they so large. I'm out to photograph them later.

I've gone a bit queer...

2010-05-21T03:54:00.000+01:00

We're getting closer to winter here and the days are getting that lovely golden, low sunlight and the mornings are dark and the night comes earlier each day. I'm fascinated by watching it all. It's not terribly cold but I'm seeing a proper autumn for the first time in a long time. Leaves are turning with foliage displays to challenge New England. Folks aren't as interested as the are in New England, though. The kids aren't making art with the leaves, aren't taking rubbings or paying any attention to the beauty. Hey! Can't you see how fabulous this is? This doesn't happen everywhere you know. Appreciate it!!

With this change comes the mild symptoms of depression. At least I know the signs now. I'm no longer frightened or ashamed of the crazy thoughts that pop into my head. I'm aware that my cave brain is sending out panic signals a little too often. The other night I swear I saw a face in the living room window. I saw it as clear as that "ghost kid" in the scene from Three Men and a Baby. Reality is; for someone to be on the other side of that window, they'd have to put up a 10 foot ladder to peek in. It was all cave brain seeing dangers and triggering fight or flight responses. Every wisp of hair across my neck is spider, every hiss from the heating firing up a snake. Is that a mole? did I always have mole there? Is it cancer? Is that my phone ringing? Is someone crying? Did you call my name - I just you heard you call my name. Is this meat off? Does it smell funny? I better throw it out just in case...now I have nothing to cook for dinner.

I was drying Sassy's hair last night, looking at her, and could hear her saying nasty things about me even though her mouth wasn't moving. I could hear sarcastic mumbling in my head. I stopped once and asked "Did you say something?" confused, she said she didn't. Of course she didn't!! You could see her face! She wasn't saying a thing you psycho!!

Chill out. Relax. Deep breaths. Rationalize. Better. I can laugh about the absurdity of it now. Reminded of the story of the woman who suddenly thought she had not paid the mortgage yet, looked at the bank balance and knew she didn't have enough money this month for the mortgage and began to see herself homeless and her children taken away from her, her husband leaves her because this was the last straw and her house is repossessed...reality is she'd paid the mortgage the week earlier*. This cave brain is a beast!

For a couple weeks now I've had this urge to shave my head. I have no clue why, but I've looked at my reflection and just thought "Why do I need hair? Just shave it off. I'd rather wear a hat." It's such flawed thinking, but it's recurring. I try and satisfy this urge by shaving my legs. Shaving my arms and underarms. Tweeze my eyebrows but it's not the same. I wonder what the sun would feel like on my scalp. I wonder what the breeze would feel like. I wonder if my ears would look enormous.

I have electric clippers. I could do it. It's only hair. It'll grow back. New beginning. Fresh start.

Step back. relax. consider the consequences. Rationalize. What the fuck are you thinking about?!

I wonder, if people like Mark David Chapman and John Hinkley Jr. and Britney Spears take a moment to think: What the fuck am I thinking?! Could I live with the consequences of those actions? Why am I having these thoughts? Perhaps if they did question themselves they wouldn't be where they are today.

I also have been thinking about femininity and how it seems so narrowly defined to childbearing age but really being feminine is about being a woman. A woman should be able to be bald and still be feminine. A woman should be feminine at every age, from birth to geriatrics. Elderly women are often denied their femininity because their reproductive parts aren't necessary, so does that render them useless? Is being useless the same as being unfeminine? Why do so many menopausal women take hormones? Do we have to? Does the reduction of hormones mean we aren't feminine? Do a few chin hairs mean we are no longer feminine? Is clinging to youth like Joan Collins the right way to go?

I think that's why I want to shave my head. To see for myself if I'm still feminine even if I'm bald and I have no clue why that particular thought came to me when I could just as easily wear a tuxedo every day and see if I'm still feminine but of course no matter what I do I am feminine because I am a woman. It's not rational thinking - I know this! I know completely that this is random brain babble. I have a wonderful internet friend who's bald and she's amazing and smart and sexy. I only have to think of her and the noise in my head stops. So why does it come back? Why does the issue of femininity keep resurfacing? Obviously there's some issue I'm not addressing. It could be biological clock stuff because perhaps if I had another baby I could still show the world I'm a viable person because I can create viable people. I'm feeling unfeminine and I can't explain why. Brain is making shit up to fill a void and making irrational thinking patterns. At least I know it'll pass. Eventually.

In the meantime I don't want to clean my house. I don't want to cook. I don't want to jog (extra exercise exacerbates the problem). I don't want to be responsible. (Resisting traditional feminine roles perhaps? Rebelling against what exactly? Clean clothes?) I want someone else to do it instead. I'm sure I'm not alone in that bit of irrational thinking. Time to seek out things to make me laugh. Best way to fight this is to make happy chemicals.

*That story was told me by my stress counselor. She was the one who had that particular afternoon breakdown. Highly educated doctor, financially secure and intelligent woman made miserable by this kind of out of control thinking. It's so common, so easily done, so shameful and yet once addressed and spoken it immediately shrinks and weakens. My stress counselor was an amazing help.

Pictures...

2010-05-17T05:26:00.002+01:00

First is of shorty before her 6th birthday party in her fairy costume:

She had an awesome party with 20 guests. Great place nearby that does everything. Only thing I had to do was bring a cake and candles. She's still coming down from the birthday rush.

Second is of me because Phona did an unmade-up blogger picture so I thought I would too. I went hardcore: In Sunlight! Showing every flaw (Although I did shower, exfoliate and moisturize)

Third is of the granny square afghan I'm trying. I don't like it much, but feel I should finish it.

Still have a head cold. Actually we all have a head cold now. I'm fighting a sinus infection but don't want to take meds unless I have to but there are some funky colours coming out of my nose.

95kgs.

Slipping into that introspective, private, quiet phase again. Need someone to help pull me out but I'm still in acquaintance stage with everyone here. It's probably my fault. I'm just not socially wired. Actually I was once, but I may have burnt that fuse. It's such hard work.

Don't ask, Don't get

2010-05-12T00:18:00.000+01:00

Sassyface has a school trip up to Canberra soon where she'll be away for four days three nights. She's given us a list of things she thinks she'll need:

There are the things of necessity, and then there are the things that make me question her grasp on reality. Like four days worth of curry? Two portions of ketchup? The toys list is amusing too where she states "gogos X all" she really thinks she's going to bring over 200 gogos with her?? Candy X 30 makes me think she's going to share with the class but then again she's 10 so let's be realistic. Why does she need 12 keyrings?! And a dinosaur manual - is she expecting Canberra to be Jurassic Park*?

It's been an interesting insight into the mind of my daughter. However that list is going to be greatly edited. Although I should let her pack all of it and then tell her she has to carry the luggage. She can self edit as a life lesson.

*I refrained from the obvious jokes about politicians being modern day dinosaurs. Almost.

Another crochet...

2010-05-09T09:57:00.000+01:00

I ran out of green wool. So I picked up my yarn bag - I have a yarn bag now that used the be a shoe bag but it's now a yarn bag - and found a roll of this yellow leftover from Sassy's scarf and trawled Mickysmail site for another project. I chose this star pattern which took a bit of internet hunting to find but I'm psyched I did. It was a bit fiddly to begin with but once I figured it out it's been very easy and quick. I have a friend due any day now, I'll whip up a baby blanket for her. Not in this yellow though. Baby's a girl so I can just go straight to the pink. I hope they like it.

I think I'll make some small ones for X-mas tree ornaments, too.

For mother's day I got a NEW CAR! No seriously, we're trading in the sporty Mazda 6 MPS for a sporty Mazda 3 with an automatic transmission so I can drive it too. We didn't know it would be so easy for me to get a license here when we got the MPS, but it was and almost a year later - can you believe we've been here almost a year?! - I'm finding I really will need a car to get around. It's frustrating making the simplest of trips an all day adventure with trams and trains. So Husband is having 5 weeks to speed about in his super speced sports car (Which thankfully we got top trade in value for) before he we get the ~~boy racer~~ ~~hairdresser's~~ new car. In Celestial blue. We could've had a gray car sooner but there's tons of those out there. I liked the bright blue. It'll have all of the mod cons - no empty plastic plugged-over placed on the panel that say "Cheap bastard didn't want this!"

I'm shitting myself about driving again. I shouldn't! But I've not driven a car regularly for 14 years. I was a great driver, but then it was just me. I've got kids now. Kids have made me a ninny who sits in the passenger seat and stomps imaginary brakes and cringes when other cars drive too close or come from side streets. I see imminent death everywhere I go in a car. I may need to talk to someone about that...

Crochet practice.

2010-05-07T04:52:00.000+01:00

I definitely prefer to crochet than to knit. I don't know why but it may be that it's got a lot more freedom to it. I can fuck about with the same loop and make all kinds of weird knots and it's all good. I don't have to stress about dropping a stitch I just pull out what's wrong and do over and it's not left me with a dread of thinking I have to start alllll over again! I still struggle to hold the yarn properly and I must admit I don't hold it the way many tutorials have shown me to because I can't figure it out, but I seem to have found my own way.

This is leftover green from Sassy's school scarf. I'm just doing rows of single, double and triple crochet on repeat. It's neat enough to impress me. I'm sure any Granny will look at it and think "Aw, bless." but I'm proud enough. sure it's a bit bigger at the beginning for some reason. I think I'll just add a few stitches at the end and tell folk it's a kayak paddle scarf.

Bra Burning, Cheeky Brats and Twitchy Rectums

2010-05-06T04:34:00.000+01:00

I was walking the kids up to school this morning when I realized I'd forgotten to change from my sleeping bra* - a Sloggi spandex, lite support crop top - to my daily underwired support bra. Although I wasn't bouncing about freely for the world to see, I was uncomfortable enough to know this is not how women of a certain size should go about their daily business.

I romanticize the origins of Feminism being in the 60's when the free loving, birth control pill taking Hippies were stripping off their societal oppression garments and burning them in an oil drum. Freedom to bounce - hooray! But I have to say - bouncing breasts are painful!

The bra is a woman's friend. It's a liberation garment. We can run, play and enjoy many more activities because we aren't suppressing our movements due to painfully bouncing breasts. Feminists burning bras? Nope, sorry to say but that was a dumb thing to do. We should hold bras aloft and thank the inventors for liberating us from corsets. You want to burn something - burn a corset. Tortuous devices those things. A bra is a woman's devoted friend and encouragement to get out and live.

Besides, I believe the Suffragettes were the better Feminists.

* It's a habit I got into while breast feeding as it stopped me from soaking the bed. I keep it as I find it's much more comfortable and I don't roll over and pinch myself under my elbow. I'll let you suss out the visuals.

After taking the kids to school I got back home to start a few chores, bake a coffee cake and practice my crocheting skills. I go to start a load of laundry and find this:

Cheeky brat! In a cartoon world I'd present her with a sodden notebook smelling of fabric softner. Instead I sent her this for her to find when she gets home:

Starting the Dreaded Day 2 (for male folks, that's the second day of the menstrual cycle, notable for it's crampy intensity and grouchy inducing mayhem) and you know how sometimes you get a weird muscle spasm that doesn't hurt but just twitches randomly on repeat? I often get one in my right eyelid and above my right ear for some reason. It's bad enough that whenever it happens my first thought is "SPIDER!!" but today I got one a few inches up my jacksy and it's kind of weirding me out. Ever happen to anyone else? Anyone? Just me...? Ok.

I'm not Anti-Marshmallow

2010-05-02T01:33:00.000+01:00

I prefer my cocoa without marshmallows, that doesn't make me anti-marshmallow.
I prefer my curry without tamarind, that doesn't make me anti-tamarind.
I prefer loafers but that doesn't make me anti-boots, anti-sneakers or anti high heels.
I prefer cumulus clouds but that doesn't make me anti-cirrus.
I prefer Saturn but that doesn't make me anti-Mars, anti-Venus, anti-Jupiter, anti-Mercury...you get the picture.
I prefer Emu eggs, but that doesn't make me anti-Ostrich egg.
I prefer Autumn but that doesn't make me anti-Spring.
I prefer porridge but that doesn't make me anti-muffin.
I prefer Rodin but that doesn't make me anti-Buonarroti.
I prefer alone time but that doesn't make me anti-social.
I prefer Ethics but that doesn't make me anti-religion or anti-Jesus.

I'm tired of religious people saying Ethics classes are classes in killing God.

My first knitting samples.

2010-04-30T00:47:00.000+01:00

It took me two weeks and several restarts to get this knitted scarf done for shorty. I found I suddenly forget what I was doing and have to rethink the actions in a 1,2,3 routine because just like when you say the same word over and over it begins to lose its meaning - I find in knitting the actions begin to dissolve and need reinforced. Here is Shorty's all knit scarf with pompoms:

The ends look ragged and messy, there are a few sections where I must have added stitches as it's not uniform. Shorty loves it and it'll keep her warm which is all its needing to do. I'm trying to get a hat done to match but find the instructions confusing.

Then I came across a youtube page where someone was knitting on a loom*. A circular plastic peg thing that you wrap the yarns around and then pick the loops over each other. It looked so easy! The video was by a 14 year old. So I sought one out, ordered and when they arrived (they came in four different sizes) I gave one a try. Two days later, I have a scarf and a hat finished with a much nicer result:

Two days. One and a half if I'm being literal as the hat was done in an evening. It's great for these kinds of projects and I can do knit squares for blankets. It's not too practical for sweaters but there are folks who have tried and I'm interested in seeing their successes. Perhaps this makes me something of a knitting cheater, but I must admit; if there's a technical doohickey involved in the process, I'm going to try it. I can knit and purl on the loom, but the simplest way to use it makes a stockinette stitch. I'm actually more inspired by crocheting than knitting, even though the thing I dislike about knitting is all the counting and yet crocheting is all counting. For some reason it seems quicker with results and for my short attention span, waiting around to find out if I've fucked something up versus seeing it straight away wins.

End result, both kids are very happy with their new scarves. They are also very keen to start playing with the knitting looms. I made the girls a couple of knitted bracelets, collars for their stuffed animals and they want little blankets as well so their most beloved pets won't get cold this winter. Shorty has found going to the yarn store a delight and she needs reigned in from overfilling my basket with dozens of different balls of yarn.

It's an interesting distraction. Interesting adventure. I still think it's a bit old ladyish and my prejudices haven't waned, but I'm keen to keep trying.

*I've come to LOVE mickeysmail's videos. He's so good at explaining how to do all thiese knitting, crocheting and looming projects.

Loom knitting blog
The loom room

Modern Clichés

2010-04-24T03:37:00.002+01:00

Cliché - [klee-shey}
–noun

a trite, stereotyped expression; a sentence or phrase, usually expressing a popular or common thought or idea, that has lost originality, ingenuity, and impact by long overuse, as sadder but wiser, or strong as an ox.

(in art, literature, drama, etc.) a trite or hackneyed plot, character development, use of color, musical expression, etc.

anything that has become trite or commonplace through overuse.

British Printing.

a stereotype or electrotype plate.

a reproduction made in a like manner.

–adjective

trite; hackneyed; stereotyped; clichéd.

Let's consider a few modern clichés. I particularly love definitions 1 & 3 because this aspect of the cliché is the one that frustrates me the most. I abhor the abuse and overuse of simple phrases. I feel they are used by many people to exhibit that they are somehow cool, knowledgeable, popular, modern or at least aspiring to be those things. (I very hard tried to avoid the cliché "with it")

Modern clichés have something of a tipping point. They should be short lived and yet they persevere beyond being fashionably acceptable. Examples could be any clichéd phrase or expression from the 90's TV show Friends. I'd even go so far to say that people who personify the speech patters of these characters are committing a crime of the modern cliché. Examples:

Wow. Just; Wow.
Ya think?!
The word "So" placed unnecessarily in a sentence with exaggerated expression.

I'm sure you can think of many yourself. Yet these are still heard in everyday conversation by mimicers in casual conversation. I hate this so much I avoid using the "So" inflection or even the word So - why does it appear at the beginning of sentences? - from conversation.

You only need to read a few YouTube comments to be bombarded with atrociously overused phrases that are supposed to impart some kind of acceptability on the person using them. We are to judge them as one of us, but I judge them as hopeless posers.

I'm not immune. I have caught myself uttering this stupidity - it's infectious! But I at least have the grace to be ashamed of myself, slap my hand and reconsider what the fuck I'm talking about.

Even swearing has become something of a modern cliché. The slipping of curse words into conversation for shock value is no longer shocking. We aren't stunned to hear Fuck said on TV anymore. Why would be shocked by someone using fuck as the Valley girl abused "Like"? Still does by my ear.

Even more frustrating is hearing a young person use a relatively modern cliché that they have no clue about its origin. Example being when I heard a teenager refer to his ex a "Bunny boiler" and he had no idea where the term came from or its movie reference.

These terms and phrases must become conversation clangers. The desperate need for an ever new and modern phrase is apparent by the popularity of the site Urban Dictionary. Heard something you didn;t understand but didn't want to appear like an out-of-the-loop dweeb? Urban dictionary is there to help you. Once understood the phrase can be used to boost the credibility of the user until that phrase tips off into poserland and cliche.

Here's a small list of some I wish would hurry along to Poserland because I cringe when I hear them:

That's so last year, season, century etc.
Vajayjay
Any slang reference to male urination or masturbation which tend to become a contest of crudeness. Like "Shake the snake" and "Choke the chicken". Ditto for women's expressions of the same. (Thankfully no one says they "creamed" themselves anymore. That was icky.)
OMG!!
Buh-bye now.
Dude. Anything dude. Most annoying is women using the word dude to call other women dude.
I puked in my mouth a little.
LOL Catz speak. I know lots of people find it fun but it makes me crumple my forehead and feel pity. Especially anything prefixed with "Teh"
Facepalm*
I peed a little, A little wee came out*

I think you get where I'm going. I do include single word as a cliché because even a word is not immune to over use to the point of unoriginality. This is never more evident than when my kids use the words I use to describe stuff like cool, awesome and...sucks. I shouldn't use "sucks" but my Dad used it like folk today use "Fucking piece of shit!!" which is why to me it carries a deepness of insult it actually does not. My Dad never said "Fuck off." he said "Blow it out you ear!" with a face as angry and red as if he'd actually told me to fuck off. Rarely he said ass instead of ear.

What modern clichés drive you crazy?

*edited to add as I'm reminded I dislike these things.

I can do the Bullet Post:

2010-04-21T08:11:00.003+01:00

maybe
Going out for coffee with a fellow parent who's displeased with CRE - will be nice to not be the lonely voice for a change.
Knitting still. Have a scarf half done and no drop stitches yet, but I've managed to fix any I do right away. I should not be this anxious about dropping a stitch.
I ordered knitting looms for the kids so the won't lose an eye with needles and will stop nagging me with "Will you teach me?" because I haven't mastered this yet, how am I supposed to teach you?
Online lessons with mikeyssmail have been great! I'm kind of excited to try crocheting as it's a bit more exciting.
I've started writing. I got an idea while watching All My Children - I was watching because there's a sexy transsexual and I was a bit confused and amused, "Of course he can love you and your child that you won back from your ex who kidnapped him at birth" and whatever...it was crazy shit!! My idea was not as entrenched.
I don't watch soap operas. It just happened to come on after the show I was watching, Street Café which has been in Japan this week and is brilliant.
We get All My Children, Days of Our Lives and Bold and The Beautiful but no General Hospital. I only ever liked GH.
Not true, there was a cheesy California soap that we got in Scotland but the show was canceled after 5 years. Don't remember what it was called but I remember the whole series had ended up being someone's dream. Cheese!!!
Remembered a book I'd read in early 90's called Butterfly and searched to find out its sequel was out a couple years ago. I may look them both up.
I thought about it because I was thinking about Temperance Brennan in Bones and how she's so practical about sex and I wondered if she'd ever use a professional escort for her sexual needs and I think she would but then she'd probably not need to - she could just have anyone so why pay? I think she'd at least approve of the service. Which is why I thought of Butterfly as it's about a high end sexual fantasy come true kind of brothel for women. You just don't hear/read about women using male escorts - then again I'm not as voracious a reader as most people I know. You tell me...
Would it be too weird for a Heroine to have previously used escorts?
My kids keep fighting. Or really Sassy says something mildly mean and shorty goes for the full histrionics and wounded soul. She's an amazing actress, even I'm fooled sometimes.
I bought a few books at the charity shop of some romance writers I've wanted to try but could never decide which one, like Stephanie Laurens. I also noticed four books by Cassie Edwards which I passed up. I'm not interested in American Indian stuff. Or plagiarized stuff. Although I think the vehemence that SBTB went after Cassie last year was a bit OTT, then again plagiarism is a shitty shitty thing to do.
Craved a grilled cheese sandwich today but didn't have any bread, so baked bread but then it was close to dinner time so made dinner and will have the GCS for tomorrow but what if my craving expires? Sigh.
Feeling a bit feckless and insular lately. Then again I invited a neighbor over for drinks. I've never invited someone over drinks - I have no idea what got into me?! She seemed really keen, though so I'll have to buy a red and white and see how it goes.
I've got Sassy one of those latch hook rug projects for her birthday. I used to love them as a kid so maybe she will, too. It's a red-eyed tree frog one.
Got to go...XOXO

Three things that need to fuck off:

2010-04-14T02:26:00.003+01:00

First is morning TV with it's content infomercials. Infomercials are annoying enough, but to try and sneak them in as a segment on morning news/talk TV is disgusting. I hate it when they finish a nice interview or social interest piece with "Let's go over to Sue where she's going to tell us about a new innovation in fat burning!" and there's some fool swinging on a fitness contraption. It's stupid and I hate them and I immediately click over to something else. Fuck off trying to sell me stuff when all I want is background noise while sorting laundry.

Second is The Coconut Water Diet. Fuck off. It has diet in the title I'm not interested. It's going to be the same as the cabbage soup diet, the acai berry diet, the hot maple/lemon/chili water diet. Why even bother it's Stoooopid! Since the first one I heard about at 6 which was the Sweet-n-low yogurt diet, to this inanity they are all scams, lies and will lead to disappointment and self loathing. So don't bother. I'd imagine if it was a true miracle weight loss secret, scientists would be telling me about it and not dumb women's magazines. Yes I said dumb women's magazines because the content of most of those rags is dumb. I'm not a fan.

Third is Bamercise. I don't even care if it's a joke. It's annoying enough to have that asshole shouting "BAM!" at me in his commercials but to add this tripe is demeaning. Oh you won't be burning enough calories you fat housewives with our new super formula cleaner so here's a workout you can add into your day. Fuck off.

No really, fuck off, please.

Why does it keep growing??

2010-04-14T00:50:00.002+01:00

I think I'm not ending my rows correctly because I keep adding more loops and I'm going to end up with something much too wide. What am I supposed to do at the end of a row before moving down the other side?

I have a diagnosis!

2010-04-13T00:47:00.004+01:00

I met with the Dr. on Friday to discuss the outcome of my recent blood tests. I'd gone in originally for advice on a bit of a prolapse problem and when she told me my problem would be greatly improved by losing weight, I told her about my 4 year campaign to get fit and lose weight. I told her about being able to run a 5K, having excellent muscle tone and weight lifting but that the fat won't shift.

Results are, everything was fine except my androstenone levels were high. That's a male hormone, and it indicates polycystic ovary syndrome or PCOS. I don't have any of the other symptoms that are associated with this disease which is very common - 1 in 5 women have PCOS. Dr thinks I've been undiagnosed for many, many years. Probably because I don't have the other symptoms like acne, thinning hair, excessive body hair, infertility, erratic periods or pelvic pains.

PCOS also tends to run in families; my Mom had fertility issues, thinning hair. My sister had pelvic pain and endometriosis. I've got the leanings toward metabolic syndrome, another adverse side effect. I take after the side of the family that gets obese and diabetic. I've been aware of my diet and exercise for long enough now that I may have stopped the PCOS tipping me over the edge into type II. That was rewarding to hear.

What this means is I have an answer. Doesn't change my problem much, but I have a Why as to why I'm always struggling with my weight and it's not because I'm weak and lack willpower. There is no way to reduce my androstenone levels. My diet must be satisfactory because my glucose and cholesterol were all normal, which was a relief. So it's purely down to calorie intake/expenditure. Lately I've just been eating when my stomach growls, ignore non-growling cravings and eat smaller portions. No comfort eating. If I'm still hungry 20 minutes later, I'll eat more. I tell myself there's absolutely no deprivation going on here - if I want a sticky sweet thing, I'll eat a sticky sweet thing. If I want the seasoned, crispy chicken skin, I'll eat the seasoned crispy chicken skin! And now, I'm losing weight, and not slogging my guts out in the gym two hours a day, four days a week.

To be honest - I've been feeling much better. Sure that's on the back of three weeks of stomach bugs and a coughing cold. I'm getting about six hours sleep a night and not feeling tired in the morning, in fact I wake up a half hour to hour before the alarm goes off at 6:30. Not sluggish, but alert and ready to start my day. Just got my period today, and I didn't have anywhere near the crazy PMS I went through last month, which was unusual for me.

Long term outlook for me is calorie restriction, exercise and regular check ups/bloodwork to be sure my levels are in control. Lose weight, be low carb. If the other symptoms start to manifest, I may have to take medication or go back on the birth control pill to boost my female hormones. Menopause will be fun, I can tell.

I told Husband. He was very supportive and empathic, "Don't worry darling, we'll keep you a ready supply of hair wax." I love being reminded I married the right man.

I started back to learning Japanese and yesterday I started my first knitting project since I was 14. I'm using youtube videos as coaches.

So there are a lot of bright sides this morning. Also, I've lost 6kgs in a month. Not bad. Aiming for 72kgs/160lbs. Dr. says she'll be happy when I'm at 80kgs/176lbs.

I Love Rachel Maddow

2010-04-11T23:28:00.002+01:00

She's exactly what journalism should be. She is the apex that all journos should be aiming for. She's amazing. I love her. I want to hug her and bake her cake. I want to be on her research team. Total happy-clappy fangirl moment:

You tell 'em!

Religion Doesn't Belong in Science Class

2010-04-09T00:14:00.004+01:00

My Mom mentioned this to me on Tuesday when we talked as she's in Tenn and it's in all her newspapers.

Even if it's to say religion is a myth. This is the story from Knox County, Tenn. where a high school biology book makes a reference to the "Biblical myth of creation". I agree with the parents who've raised the complaint to the school board that this is inappropriate content in a biology book.

A biology book doesn't need to make any reference to religion of any kind. Just as Intelligent Design doesn't belong in a science book, neither do negative comments about religion. There should be absolutely no mention of religion at all.

I know the parent was annoyed over the word "myth" and that's the crux of his irritation, "Don't call my religion a myth". It still has nothing to do with understanding biology. I do wonder what the other things are they find misleading in the book, but this interview doesn't go into that.

My first Troll.

2010-04-08T03:12:00.003+01:00

My first CRE video is being commented on by a possible Troll. I've never had a Troll before. I'll soon stop feeding the troll, but the good thing about them is how they have so much rubbish fall out of their mouths. Or fingers as the case may be. Here's the exchange if you're interested:

mikekazik1 Block User Why do you make such a big deal out of it? What's the harm in having some moral values in school? 10 hours ago
lyvvie (uploader) @mikekazik1 I have absolutely no problem with morals, values and ethics being taught to kids. None whatsoever. I have a problem with people telling me and my kids the only way to get that information if from the bible and religion, which is just not true. I'd be happy if the school had a secular EM&V course available. But to tell kids of many religions that the only way to be good is the christian way is disgusting. 5 hours ago
mikekazik1 Block User @lyvvie Look, most people don't have a problem with that stuff. Only militant atheists like you make a sensation out of the smallest things. Don't you have anything better to do with your life? There are people who have real problems in this world. It's always laugh when I see someone go on youtube to complain about some trifling matter. 4 hours ago
lyvvie (uploader) @mikekazik1 LOL, you call me militant when you're only upload on YouTube is the affectionate touch of your friend's gun? I don't have a gun. I'm not in a militia, I am not militant. I fight for secularism with debate and information. You're mistaken that "Most people don't have a problem with that stuff" because most people aren't aware that a problem exists. 4 hours ago
mikekazik1 Block User @lyvvie That's actually my gun. My friends were the ones who posted the video. In the video, I simply talked about the rifle. I didn't complain about things like you did

Language can be literal and figurative. "Militant atheist" is a figurative term for people like you. You might not like it, but that's the term that was coined by the majority to describe people like you.

Most people don't mind having a short religion class in school. That's why they haven't complained 3 hours ago
lyvvie (uploader) @mikekazik1 I love that you say "The Majority" a lot. It must be comforting to be in the majority. The majority once thought slavery was acceptable. The majority once denied women the right to vote. The majority used to deny jobs for anyone from Ireland. There wouldn't even be an America if people didn't complain against "The majority". Until a few people complain, the majority gets away with an awful lot, doesn't it? Majority does not make it right. 2 hours ago
mikekazik1 Block User @lyvvie Tell me this. How was your kid harmed? The examples that you listed involved people being harmed. However, the kids that go to the school you are complaining about aren't being harmed. How does a little bit of bible study once a week harm them? Even if they don't believe in it, it's still just an easy couple of minutes where they can sit down and relax for a while. Seriously, there are people in this world who have real problems. Can't you find something better to complain about? 33 minutes ago
lyvvie (uploader) @mikekazik1 It's an hour long class. Why should the government be telling schools they must provide religious instruction? Why does the government have the right to impose religious beliefs on 5-18 year olds, and still claim to be a secular country? I think that's worth complaining about. I prefer to make choices for myself, and I'll encourage my kids to make their own decisions when they have all the information available to them. 6 seconds ago
mikekazik1 Block User @lyvvie You simply sought to justify your point of view by saying that people are unaware. People are aware. They just don't mind having a short religion class. You aren't acknowledging this because this would force you to come to terms with the fact that militant atheists like you aren't that common. 3 hours ago
lyvvie (uploader) @mikekazik1 From talking to other parents, and by comments I've received from people who actually live in my area of Australia - they are not aware. The fact it is so difficult to get information on the curriculum from the organization that created it is unacceptable. I also agree that "militant atheists" like me are uncommon. In fact they are virtually non existent. Most atheists are pacifists. Militant atheist is an oxymoron. 2 hours ago
mikekazik1 Block User @lyvvie How is a person not aware? Is it that hard to ask your kid what classes they have? A militant atheist is a coined term for an atheist who gets into other people's faces about removing religion from all aspects of society. You would certainly fall into that category since you went after the school for this kind of nonsense. Don't you have better things to do? Seriously, what's up with your husband? If I was married and my wife sat around making youtube videos, I'd be pretty pissed. 39 minutes ago
lyvvie (uploader) @mikekazik1 I felt the same way as you: How could parents not know? I'm going to assume you don't have kids, because I'll tell you that kids are unreliable about providing answers about "How was your day" "What did you learn, today?" where the common answer is "Fine" and "I don't remember" I have the full support of my husband and a growing support base of both religious and non religious people. What are you doing to better society? Or is clock tower practice about all you're aiming for? 26 minutes ago

This is his video that I make comments about (The one on his page that he says his friends uploaded and not him)

Sick or what? Let's pretend to shoot a kid just off the school bus. And a random person driving by. And let's find some pagans. And let's laugh about it, har har har.

Boggles the Mind

2010-04-07T02:23:00.004+01:00

Not that we're trying to cram religion down your throats or anything. In the middle of a walkway between two malls. On Easter. You know. Just spreading the word. We're not even preaching! It's what we're supposed to do.

Please don't feel obliged to watch the whole thing. The last minute is enough. That video was from last year's display. This year, parents phoned and complained to police that the moaning Jesus was upsetting children, and the police responded and closed Jesus down. Thing is, the church couldn't do this demonstration on Good Friday because the whole city shuts down and there would be no shoppers to see Jesus being crucified. What they should have is a big rock that slides back and forth and Jesus pops out and shouts "Ta-Dah!!" and then he rises up via crane over Myers. But where's the shock factor in that?

The newspapers ran this, of course, and some of the comments by the pastor are upsetting. For one she claimed this was a "Silent display" but from watching the video it's obvious it was not a silent display. Today the paper reports that the police apologized for shutting down the display - Why?! Why would the police have to apologize for doing their job?

Even better, they accuse the police of being kinder to gays:

Senior Rev Rory Lennon has attacked the double standards of police who participate in demonstrations supporting gays and lesbians, including Melbourne's Pride March, and did nothing last month to stop World Naked Bike Ride participants' "lewd" behaviour. "The gay mardi gras or parades and things like that, the (police) commissioners walk in those and there were complaints there, but nothing was done," he said.

Well Christians in a predominately christian area doing religious displays aren't as likely to get assaulted, glassed or knifed. As much as they like to think they are still being persecuted, just like Jesus, they really aren't. Not like homosexuals, or even naked bike riders. Although why anyone would want to ride a bike naked, I don't know. The chaffing! But I don't find the human body offensive and I don't care if my kids see naked bodies. Dying, bleeding, agonized suffering - yes I mind that. Happy naked people, not so much.

It's another crazy day Down Under.

Rock and a hard place, there. Scary giant rabbit or the bleeding Jesus. Run kid, RUN!!

Mean Mother Strikes Again

2010-04-06T09:25:00.002+01:00

I've been presented with a birthday wish-list from my eldest, Sassyface. It was left on my bureau. I was a bit confused at first, because I thought it had come from her little sister, who's five. But no, this appalling scribble is from an almost 11 year old.

Are you kidding me?! How can she not know that begging letters must use the best penmanship to be taken seriously?! It gets worse...

I don't think I'm being too cruel by being disappointed with this effort. Especially since I know she can do much better. I'm not even bothered about the spelling errors so much as the actual, terrible, no she does not have dyslexia as an excuse, lazy-ass handwriting. Here, see:

That was from last year. Sure it's on lined paper, but so what? Even if she'd tried to put even an ounce of effort into trying to make her writing nice I'd have been happy. But this? Nope.

Now, honestly, I've not been this cutting and mean to her directly - I'm not heartless! But I tell her I was disappointed because I know she can do much, much better. I felt we, as her parents, deserved her best efforts.

But seriously, WTF?! OH - and where does she get off telling us we can pick five?? Cheeky or what? I'm tempted to buy her frilly pink dresses.

The rest of the Professor Messy story is here, if you were interested.

What's with all the hate, churchmen?

2010-04-03T04:45:00.007+01:00

For an organization that proclaims to be about peace, love and understanding, they sure do like to throw the shit around. Yesterday was Good Friday, and it seems the churches got together to make sermons against the rise of atheism. Oh, and everything bad in the world is atheism's fault, too.

More than once I heard religious people on TV saying things like; "I don't care if you're an atheist, but just shut up and stop telling me what to believe!" Excuse me?? Pot calling the kettle black, just a little bit. We're constantly told what we should believe and the buffet of religions available is confusing and quite honestly, full of sneeze. Just last week, there was a two page spread in the paper of some dickhead telling us all that Christianity is the only way for a better Australia! I never stare at folks who carry their palms, or have ash on their foreheads - I don't care!! I do care if your cross bearing Jesus and hymn singing parish block up traffic as you replicate the death walk of your saviour. Did you obtain the correct license for that public march and outdoor megaphoned meeting?? The street wasn't properly cordoned off. Yet Australia news-shows keep saying how Oz is not really a religious country - I beg to differ. Actually, I roll my eyes and make a "Tcha" noise while making masturbatory hand gestures.

One of the big news stories just now is football officials protesting about AFL Football (Footy) competing on Good Friday - they are expected to keep the day holy, but practice sessions are ok. Yet we have Rugby League (Also called Footy which gets really fucking confusing!) matches...I don't get the problem. Good Friday isn't even a day off in the USA, as far as I remember. Everyone thinks America is far more religious. Stores aren't even open here.

Several newspapers had articles by ministers and preachers saying all sorts of...well rubbish really. It's very apparent they've not actually talked to many atheists. It becomes a game of Spot The Canard!

The Australian

The Sydney Morning Herald

The Age

ABC News online

They got together to spread more misinformation and bullshit. My favourite quote was from the Anglican Bishop who said that disbelief was an assault on God. In so much as not believing in fairies is an assault on fairies, or not believing in unicorns is an assault on unicorns. An assault is a physical act upon someone or something - where's the injury in not believing in Santa? Sticks and stones will break bones but words - God can't take even a few words? What a puss. I said on FB "Dear Anglican Archbishop Peter Jensen: Saying non belief is an "assault on God" is as sensible as arresting a shadow boxer for GBH."

Stir up the hate, create an "Us *vs* Them" mentality and get the parish to raise their pitchfork in protest. Because that's what forgiving and turning the other cheek is all about. Everyone knows it's easier to forgive if the person isn't there to be a reminder. Terrible atheists with their getting on with life and not paying tithes, or praying, or going to church or...anything.

All this rubbish about Nazi's being atheists is ignorant. Hitler was a Catholic! They were trying to eradicate the Jews - those people who killed Jesus, remember? For fuck sake - why are religious organizations determined to rewrite history? It's like they keep trying to pull the Jedi mind trick "There was no evil here", "The church is a force of good in the world"

Bullshit.

I know this was poorly written, and I'm sorry for that. I'm between colds - husband brought the tummy bug, kids brought the coughing one - and fighting the urge to sleep and sniffle and barf all at once. I did take a lot of pictures in Melbs yesterday, if you're interested. I'm going to take command of the TV and maybe watch some P&P.

Blogger bastards

2010-03-30T00:07:00.002+01:00

I was prompted by blogger to try out their new snazzy template maker. So I did and got the one previous to this with the bokeh background. Problem was it took too long to load up. I liked that my blog was quick to load on slower machines because not everyone has a new computer. So I went to try and fix it and the links are gone! I can't find the new snazzy template maker thing that they had special links for. So Now I have to revert to this boring non-fun, non-me template until I get the energy to scrounge up a new one and fuck about with HTML codes all day.

You suck blogger! A year of no orgasms for you.

Perfectly quiet morning ruined...

2010-03-26T01:19:00.005Z

I had planned for this morning to be a nice quiet one at the café with coffee, poached eggs and the crossword puzzles. It's the last one I'll have to myself for the next two weeks as the kids are on school break from this afternoon.

Page three of the Herald Sun, (which I don't normally read as I prefer The Age but they were all gone and the Herald has the jumble puzzle), has a picture of a guy holding a bible in front of a waterfall, smiling with the headline "Ablett warns of drug, booze crisis" I read the snippet and being unimpressed, I wrote the word "TWAT!!" across his forehead and turned the page.

Page 40-41 I'm assaulted again by Mr Ablett, who's been given a two page spread to tell us how he thinks becoming more christian and forgetting all this science stuff will bring Australia back the being the once great nation it once was. Stupidly, I began to read the article. After the first column I pulled out my highlighter and began marking passages. Then I began arguing aloud to the pages while highlighting.

Here's some of his advice for modern Australians:

I believe without a doubt that our nation is in crisis and is in its current predicament because we have deliberately disconnected ourselves from our Christian heritage and history. We are a nation that was originally founded upon the word of God and established on the authority of biblical truth. Our political system, our judicial system and most of our schools and hospitals were begun by godly men and women who based their lives and work on godly principles.

Sound familiar? It's the same tripe the evangelists in America say. What's prompted him to speak out suddenly? Let's guess...

One of the things that triggered my response was that I became aware that there was an atheist convention in Melbourne last week. Richard Dawkins, a renowned atheist, gave a message entitled, "From goo to you through the zoo". Now it is bad enough misleading us by telling us we descended from convicts but to tell us we descended from "apes" - come on!

Looks like someone doesn't like ideas that don't gel with his own. But is he denying that Australia was originally a collection of penal colonies? That's a new kind of denialism. Maybe he isn't descended (har har) but he could use a history book. And, as he goes on to prove, he needs a few science books, too.

The fact is that fossil records do not support Darwin's theory. Experts have come to realise that the gaps in the fossil records and the absence of precursor and intermediate forms are such that they can no longer be ignored or his theory be taken seriously. I submit to you that the theory of evolution is not only lacking in facts, but has absolutely no foundation whatsoever. If it was only ever a theory, how did it find its way into our classrooms and society as fact?

Same argument the creationists use over and over and it's been debunked and won over a zillion times. Yet they continue to spout the same tripe. (In fact, I'm going to wager that this and it's following paragraphs were plagiarized). You can't fill the gaps with "God did it!" I'll spare you his babbling on about peanut butter jars because he also has no knowledge of the sterilization processes. He probably thinks a shirt placed in a box of wheat makes mice, too.

To attempt to derive the morning's news from the chemistry of the paper alone without the input of information is absurd. Even in a simple newspaper we can appreciate "Intelligent Design". It is the same as a genetic code imprinted according to the laws of information and language on to matter.

Please, just stop already.

...people like Richard Dawkins will try and tell us that we humans as well as the entire universe, which are immeasurably more complex than any passenger jet could ever be, all happened by chance. It's like having an explosion of ink in a printing room and coming up with the English Dictionary. It's a fallacy. Every cell in the universe came from another cell, you never see a new cell come into existence on its own. Organisms do not spontaneously arise in nature from non-life.

No instead a magic man in the sky just wished it all into existence one week. *poof*

What I find frustrating is the section of religious folk who piss all over science because the silly fools dare to seek answers when really all they have to do is read the bible to know God did It. They disparage the facts that have been found to disprove many of their myths, use the "rebellious teenager" arguments and just make themselves look pitiable. Worse, they give the more open-minded Christians a bad name because they all get lumped in together, which really winds them up.

the last straw...

Unfortunately, Western civilization has embraced the "lie" of evolution as fact, and we have been completely blinded to the profound effect and impact it is having upon our society and nation. We tell ourselves and our children that it was all just an accident and we are nothing more than "cosmic orphans", with no real purpose, value or destiny, completely without hope for a great future and then wonder why our country is "self-destructing" and our society's attitude has become "Let's eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die". And, if life gets too hard or painful let's just end it. And that's just the beginning. No wonder our society if out of control, the consequences are horrendous.

Ok, now it's not funny - now you've pissed me off. I've never told my kids they are an accident or "Cosmic orphans" - what tosh. I certainly don't tell them to "Eat, drink and make merry for tomorrow we die." I tell them they are special, unique and amazing and that they have an opportunity to make this world spectacular and to enjoy all the beautiful diversity available to them. This life is precious because it's the only one we get. I want to fill my life with beauty, happiness and if anything makes me depressed it's that I spent a few years of my life not doing anything because I stupidly thought an afterlife would be better.

I'll never encourage anyone to "Just end it." because life is hard. Life is hard and the hard parts make us stronger, wiser and resilient. It makes us appreciate the good parts all the more.

The cherry on the top was when my friend, Jason Ball posted a link for those of us who won't know who Ablett is, which tells of his arrest in 2000 in connection to the drug overdose death of a 20 year old woman in his hotel room. Amazing he now feels he has any fucking right to tell other people how to be moral.

I think I can live without the jumble puzzle if this is the tripe Herald Sun thinks is news. I wrote a complaint to the Editor.

***Edit to add: I fucking knew it! That plagiarizing bastard!! C-word cword cword. (I can't say it, the kids are listening.)

Been busy...

2010-03-25T01:48:00.002Z

I've spent the past week getting information together and editing that information down and then re-adding, cutting - you know my usual nightmare of writing. But this time it was for a guest post over at The Friendly Atheist. I'd written a quick note to Hemant Metha about the Christian Religious Education and Chaplaincy programs that I've been trying to get my head around for the past few months and he asked if I'd write something up. Enter panic. Dithering about on my blog about bras, periods and my goofy but lovable kids is one thing, but something serious on an activism blog - big step for me. But I did it.

Hard enough trying to balance this blog between not annoying some family who are Christian and politely ignore my atheism so I kind of don't go too much into the issues, and then thinking, fuck that - it's my blog! Where else am I supposed to talk about this stuff? Feeling guilty because I've lost quite a few regular readers/commenters over the past few years with coming out as an atheist and talking about some of my issues with religion in the world. Yet, finding that I have gained lots of friends who agree and support me has been wonderful. I also have a few folks who tell me "You're being obnoxious and attacking chrisitans. Get a better argument." which I think every atheist needs to hear as does anyone who takes it upon themselves to break the social taboo of discussing religion or politics in public. On the flip, I've also had to talk a few christian friends down from their indignation because any word of criticism of Christianity is taken as a personal attack.

Learning to deal with folks who are highly reactive and happy to condemn my opinion but shut down on any kind of counter has been invaluable.

I've received a ton of emails and links to read and get caught up on. The flow of information is becoming overwhelming - but exciting. Finding the answers and then more questions. Making contact with like minded people.

I need to make an update video, but will have to wax my mustache first and wait for the redness to go down.

Tenterhooks.

Had coffee with other moms this morning which was great. I even talked at length with the CRE teacher who it turns out, has a lot in common with me. She was born and raised in the UK, lived for a few years in Boston MA and now lives in Melbourne with her two daughters. She didn't ask why Shorty wasn't in CRE, but we did talk about how the USA goes well over the top on holidays like Halloween and St. Patrick's day, where it's a much smaller affair everywhere else.

Was talking to Shorty last night about CRE and how she feels about being the only kid separated from the rest of the group for that time. She says she's ok with it. I do worry at some time she'll feel excluded, or the kids will ask questions she'll not know how to answer. Which turned out to be good instincts because when I asked her "Do you understand why we don't want you in the CRE class?" she answered with "Because it's all rubbish," and I realise have to get better about talking in whispers with my husband - this kid has batlike hearing! So we had a talk. Fingers crossed she understood, but may take a couple more chats to reinforce.

Must bake!

Always the optimist...

2010-03-22T23:06:00.002Z

Was talking to a friend this morning who noticed I was a tad pale. I confessed I had a griping belly and would need to be near the toilet for most of the day.

"But first I'll go buy some Snickers bars and peanut M&Ms and have a candy binge. Since the calories won't stick, I may as well indulge."

"Only you would find a silver lining to diarrhea."

And she's right.

Bad habit confessed

2010-03-22T22:50:00.003Z

For some reason I've been forgetting to eat breakfast. I then eat my leftovers lunch at about 10:30, skip lunch and am starving by 4pm. After school the kids are constantly nagging me for snacks but I tell them they can finish what they didn't eat from their lunchbox, or have fruit but after that they hear "You can wait until dinner" which leads to frustration and crying and hateful glares.

...all the while I'm sneaking bites here and there because I'm starving too. Then when dinner is done, I'm not hungry. I tell the girls I'll wait and eat with Daddy but most of the time, I plate up my dinner and have it for 10:30 lunch the next day.

It's so naughty. But I'm sure I'm not the only one who does this.

These have perked me up...

2010-03-16T23:16:00.003Z

As did half a big bag of peanut M&Ms

Reading Rainbow!

Mien Kampf:

Lolita:

and my favourite, American Psycho! :

Unicorns and glitter, bitches!!

The Dark Side

2010-03-16T07:56:00.003Z

I'm a bit grumpy. I'm preoccupied with the CRE stuff. I'm a bit flat on my bento hobby insofar as I'm going through the motions but not really finding any new inspirations - I say this as I've figured out how to make nice pot stickers and rice paper wraps but I don't think those things would be nice cold in a bento...I just don't know. Try? Maybe. Blah. Perhaps.

I've been invited to write a guest post over at The Friendly Atheist regarding CRE, which I'm honored and terrified over. I've gotten the support of Hugh Wilson at the Australian Secular Lobby to put some information forward too,* and share the spotlight - what can I say, I've got stage fright! When that's up, sometime next week, I'll post a link.

My computer, she struggles to keep up. I should be more patient, understand her limitations but I get frustrated. This is how it is when you get old. Thankfully she lets me know when I'm being unreasonable and crashes spectacularly. She made need a visit to the Mac Dr and get cleaned and lubed and upgraded.

Payday seemed a long way away for a long time even though it's the shortest time between paypackets. These kids!! They keep growing! I just bought those jeans! Why are they above your ankles??? Sassy in particular is getting an inch a week it seems. She's now taller than most of the boys of in her class. It won't last, but for now I think she kind of likes it.

I've had a raging case of PMS this week. I rarely get proper PMS. My usual symptom is a sudden burst of energy and a need to go to the gym and be active and I have renewed ability to organize and motivate. This week: Bitchfest. I'm not fun, I'm not tolerant, I'm not smiling. I had a drink induced day of high spirits, but after that I was the Glum Goddess. I better get some chocolate fast or someone's gonna get cut. I've been expecting it for days and it finally appeared an hour ago. Now I just want it over with, and hope everything stays where it belongs.

Onward, forward, here I go.

Guilt trips from home. Fucking annoying. Not going to even bother going on about it. Apparently email isn't the same as real mail, and a phone call counts for nothing. I'm sorry I'm so lax about thank you cards but you have known this for 14 years. It's why I call, it's more personable. If I'd known you filed them away to check at a later date to tally up against items sent, I would've told you earlier you were being obnoxious. Then I still would've called and not sent a thank you note.

I need to do push ups, and I don't know why. How can hormones inspire guilt over push-ups?

I really am the second happiest person I know. Shorty is the first. I need more happy grown-ups around me. Where have all the happy grown-ups gone?

For fuck sake! ...no reason that time. Just speaking aloud.

*I'm fucking stressing over where that damned comma should go! It's not like it's the all important fucking comma in the whole fucking world but I had it in my head that a comma always precedes the word too but when I put one before and then after to separate the thought it looked fucking stupid and now I'm just annoyed at how fucking spurious our language is with its damned fucking rules. If I look it up I give in. And don't one of you dare tell me! I'll figure it out. FUCK! I started a sentence with and and that's bad too!! I'm going out for chocolate...after I double check. OH - now it's ok to start a sentence with and and but? Dickheads changing the rules. I'm still mad about the comma though and think it's best to let that one pass.

Me? I'm a spy, duh!

2010-03-11T06:58:00.003Z

Also here's a recruitment video for chaplains to schools. Things to note: Creationism, prayer and "God's my friend" and imagine the Hindu, Muslim or Buddhist kid in the class and how they must feel. No child should be put in that position of confusion and insecurity.

The Lovely Toes

2010-03-09T20:26:00.002Z

When they say that when you put a picture on the internet it stays there forever, they mean it. Although they may be hinting "Don't put naked pictures of yourself online" doesn't really matter what you put up; someone is going to appreciate it.

Flickr®
Hi Lyvvie!

one_wakey2 has sent you a message on Flickr.
Subject: hello
Date: 9th March, 2010

i like u pictures so much u have so beautifull ones i like special those i could see u feet (i have a feet fetish ) wish I post some comments also but was affraid i will ofend u about that sorry if somehow i upset or offend with that i have to say u have so sweet hot and sexy feet i like u color toes shape of u feet perfect arch

*heebie-jeebies*

This isn't the first time I've read this kind of thing regarding my feet. I'm pretty sure he's talking about the pictures I took of my new Birkenstocks when I tried to photograph my feet in romantic light among a bed of flowers. I was being silly. Yet the picture was picked up and put around to some foot fetish sites and I've received emails like the one above ever since.

CRE - We opt the kids out

2010-03-09T10:47:00.001Z

An update on the CRE situation and the next questions I want to ask.

~~That fucking screen grab will be changed.~~ Done. No more half blink freak-eye.

Did I mention we had a huge hailstorm yesterday?

2010-03-06T23:03:00.002Z

While watching The Bridges of Madison county and trying to not think of the fact it was old people having sex on afternoon TV (Well not so bothered by Meryl Streep, but Clint.) when I heard a loud bang on the roof. Then another. Then the wind picked up and lots of bangs and I thought a tree had come down on the roof. Husband rushes out to see if it's me making me the noise and we both go to the window and see, for the first time in our lives, golf ball sized hail. First though was - are the kids inside? They were out playing just before. They were safe. Then we thought about the car. and got that moved. A bit more "WTF?!" and a rare "Holy crap!" then I woke up and got my video camera out. I caught the last few minutes of the storm.

I hate the sound of my own voice. I hate how it doesn't sound as excited as I felt witnessing this.

The news report was worse. There was a "mini cyclone" passed right through the city center. The streets flooded, I'm guessing because the drains got stopped up with hailstones. There were two young women interviewed for the news with painful, swollen round welts up their legs and cuts on their backs from being caught in the storm. I wish I could find that interview because it was a shocker. My escapade pales by comparison. I was too chicken to go out and grab one of the big stones.

Modernized 10 Commandments

2010-03-06T21:30:00.003Z

Christopher Hitchens has come out with his own version of the 10 commandments to suit a modern day. In his article in Vanity Fair.

Although, George Carlin did it first, and with far more infectious humour. Bringing about the term "Waxing his carrot".

CRE, the revenge.

2010-03-02T03:49:00.002Z

I posted a rant up at YouTube, and am putting it here too. I think I'm most wound up that there doesn't seem to be anyone else around me who also finds these Christian Religious Education classes disgusting. Most people shrug, they're not bothered. They don't think it's harmful. I don't think I'm overreacting.

Access Ministries and their plans for our kids:

There is the girl who says she's not a christian but she likes that it's about values and it's not all god and Jesus. Unfortunately, from the syllabus, that's just not true. Not in the two grades I've seen. Also, I don't know how AM can use the bushfires as an impetus to inject more religion into schools across the whole state.

I try to be artsy...

2010-03-01T01:37:00.001Z

but I can't help but think it looks a lot like a pan of arseholes.

More fig jam. Too much fig jam.

Imagination grows when the TV is off...

2010-02-28T20:33:00.005Z

We have lazy kids. It's true. Sure they like to run about the house and be silly and play imaginative games with their toys, but they aren't outdoorsey, adventurous kids. I blame myself because I'm such a mother hen and I don't like them being where I can't watch them. Also I'm not as keen to go hang out at the play park while they have a run about...I should just bring my book and let them have a go, that's completely my failing. The kids are like me, but like me as I am now. I'm content at home puttering about. As a kid I was always outside, mostly on my own, but often kicked out and told not to come back for hours. I couldn't do that. there are kidnappers in the bushes, you see.

This weekend we turned off the TV because there was absolutely nothing worth watching. The kids, on a rare moment, Sassy in particular, went outside to play. In the garden. As padded up super heroes.

I love how Shorty has her beads and bangles coordinated with her outfit. They make me laugh.

In my defense, I do take them to other parks a couple times a week, and they get to play on the school climbing frames after school while I natter. I'm a good ~~owner~~ Mother!

The Doctor says...

2010-02-26T08:05:00.002Z

Yes I have a bit of a double prolapse - a bit from the top and a bit from the bottom but it's not critical. Weakened perineum from episiotomy. My cervix is still roughly where it belongs. She says if it gets worse then my option is hysterectomy. Fuck that, I said kindly. I asked about pessaries and she said that's the old fashioned way of fixing it. The menstrual cup - which I brought with me to show her in case she'd never heard of them, which she hadn't, is not any worry. "It's no bigger around than an erect penis..." she says, shyly. So the cup can stay.

I've got a referral to a gynecology surgeon, a physiotherapist, and I have to have bloods taken to rule out poly-cystic ovaries and check that my hormones are up to par. I also need to lose weight, and I expected her to tell me that. I did mention I exercise regularly, I don't drive but walk everywhere and I've started to jog a 3-5K 4 days a week. I also mentioned that I've had a similar exercise routine for four years and haven't managed to get below 200lbs once. Both my grandmothers were well over 300lbs. My body doesn't like to give up its hard earned rolls. I'll gain muscle like nobody's business, but burn fat? Nope. Not shifting. Tried diet X,Y and Z? Yup. Starving, high protein, fat free, high fat, dairy free, grain free, vegan...you name it. Still, she suggests 20kgs/44lbs. *pout*

But my heart is amazingly strong and my lungs are in fantastic shape. Blood pressure was in the high-normal range but it could be anxiety and caffeine. We'll see what my cholesterol is sitting at.

Feeling a wee bit defeated, but here's hoping the other two folks have something a bit more hopeful for me. I'll try and not beg for amphetamines.

What's going to happen in June??

2010-02-25T00:09:00.002Z

A new thought has bothered me this week. As we wind down from the summer heat and I notice the signs of autumn, I'm struck by the familiar excitements of autumn and winter holidays. Yet, those aren't going to be there me this year.

I realized, there won't be any Christmas with bright lights during the darkest months. I don't know if Australia has any kind of equivalent. Halloween as an acknowledgment of the end of summer. The solstices certainly occur, but without the appropriate timings. Aussies celebreate the same holiday as the northern hemisphere. A winter celebration on the summer solstice. But for the Aussie winter solstice; where's the party to say Hooray! It's not going to be so dark anymore? The only holiday for June is the 14th of June for the Queen's birthday, and the Aussies aren't big Queenie fans.

Solstice is on the 21st/22nd and there's nothing. No parties. No lights. No songs. It's going to be strange.

I've googled about and there are music festivals and a couple solstice themed things but they're not national, they're local. There seems to be a lot around the Gold Coast.

I think I'll see if I can scrounge up some outside lights, and decorate for solstice this year. Maybe put the tree up again. Not going to buy presents and stuff, but just have the merriment feeling around the house.

I do, still, keep thinking it's August going on September. I have to remind myself it's February. I've zipped half a year ahead. The kids were saying some of the same, but I think school will be a sufficient distraction for them that it won't their senses off too much. I'm just buggered.

Wait, wait! What's this I've found? It's a Winter Celebration with lights! I missed this last year because we arrived the weekend after it finished. Oh, I feel a bit better now. I'm very much looking foward to this! You have to admit, religious or not, that the lights, sounds, smells of winter festivals, be they Christmas or any other, are wonderful and exciting memory makers when it's been cold and dark. We need cheery reminders that the light will return.

After a few drinks I'm free to explain...

2010-02-22T08:29:00.004Z

I've made an appointment to see the "Lady Doctor". I do attend my regular smears and what-nots, but this appt is special because I have a particular problem that's finally manifested into a nuisance and I think it's time I had it fixed.

I have a vaginal prolapse. EW...cringe in horror! It's revenge of the deformed fanny coming atcha! Not only do I have no labia left on the left side thanks to Shorty's enormous head and the many stitches it took to repair the birthing damage, but now there's a bulging bit. Childbirth is a fucking pain and I don't mean just the physical ache but the aftermath!

I've had the merest incontinence problem. Tiny drips. If I don't drink coffee, they don't happen. If I don't jog they also don't happen. If I drink coffee and then jog, I must change my undies. *shrug* Not so much a hardship really but slightly embarrassing if I've been dehydrated.

I can still have sex, still do all the normal things that one does with a vagina, but this last menstrual cycle seems to have been a bit too pushy-outy and I can actually see and feel things I never could before and it's freaking me out. Also, I'm finding it hard to poop. When I poop, it seems to want to come out of my vagina and I have to push the bulge back where it belongs. That was where I draw the line and have decided to go to the doctor's and have it looked at.

Of course it's horribly embarrassing! My girlbits have been through enough. Have I mentioned the enormous heads of both my children? 95th percentile heads on both of them. It's no wonder I've started turning inside out. I think it's been like this since Shorty was born, but with extensive Kegels and watching what I drink and suchnesses, it's not gotten so bad. I wonder...if the menstrual cup has aggravated the problem. If the suction on removal has helped pull everything out? Seems a bit extreme. I'll have to ask on Monday.

I complained to the Dr before about painful movements during my periods but was told "It's normal". Now, since the bulging bit, the pain has subsided. It's all too weird.

Yet when I started looking into the possibilities I read that 1 in 2 women over 45 have this problem. Every other woman on this planet. That means half of the women you know have a bulging bit out of their hooha! Why aren't they talking about it?! Why did I have to think "Hmmm...I'll just keep that to myself!" Why do I have to be the one to say it loud and bloggy-like? Part of my vagina is poking out. It's totally normal, happens all the time. No, I can't just shove it back in, trust me, I've tried.

Appointment is next week. I'll let you know if I need surgery. I don't recommend the YouTube videos of the surgery if you're weak stomached. I had to stop half way through. But, it seems highly likely that's going to be my future. More vaginal sutures. Fucking hooray.

Where's that wine, I need a refill?

Pardon me while a swoon a bit...

2010-02-22T03:51:00.001Z

...don't wake me.

It's been my daily obsession...

2010-02-22T03:29:00.002Z

I don't know why, but this comedy clip has been replaying in my head and making me giggle to myself all weekend. I must look a complete psycho. "Doesn't that pull your twat flaps?" "It really does!" and I'm smirking and laughing into my hands.

Bring back the girls from Smack the Pony. Spend the day with them on YouTube. I think i may have to buy the DVDs.

You silly mare. Ok wait...one more!!

Love her. Sally Phillips was the cussing angry one from Bridget Jones.

Semantics, Shemantics...

2010-02-19T03:39:00.005Z

I get regular emails from The Christian Anti-Defamation League because (I like a good fight) they get all kinds of riled up about being persecuted for being Christian and like to rally the troops to fight their causes. Sad thing is, they often misinterpret or outright mislead the troops. Here is today's case in point:

Mayor's Christian Remarks a Hate Crime?

Wednesday, 17 February 2010 23:00

Mayor Rex Parris of Lancaster, California is in serious trouble over an innocent political remark he made during a State of the City address. Parris said of the city of Lancaster, "We're a growing Christian community and don't let anybody shy away from that."

So CAIR, a radical Muslim advocacy group, filed a civil rights complaint against the mayor. CAIR argues that the mayor’s remarks violate the “separation of church and state.”

Then a hearing was convened by the local Human Relations Task Force. They invited anyone who was affected by the mayor’s remarks to give their testimony. The task force then determined that Parris’s remarks constituted a hate crime under California laws.

Now Mayor Parris is facing ridiculous hate crime charges, but this is a political matter, not a criminal one. We can’t let Mayor Parris fight this battle alone.

So of course I have to go and investigate. Turns out, from what I can find, that's not quite what he said. It seems what he really said was “We’re growing a Christian community. Don’t let anybody shy away from that … I need [Lancaster residents] standing up and saying we’re a Christian community, and we’re proud of that.” so you can see why CAIR (Council on Islamic-American Relations) would be a bit annoyed. You could see how anyone who wasn't a Christian would be annoyed. He's not exactly representing his whole constituency, is he?

But, at least he's seen the error of his way and apologized.

Of course it's re-election time and whole lot of back pedaling is expected. Anyone think he's genuine in his apology? Well, let's ask him, he talked about it a few days earlier...

Christian Anti-Defamation League, I think you've lost this one.

Silver linings and whatnots...

2010-02-19T02:17:00.005Z

Day three of the menstrual cycle is a great time to break in new jeans.

Jury is out on the practicality of day two shopping for new jeans. That takes a special kind of masochism. Sadism. No I think I was right the first time. It's probably a mix of both as the hormones make me moody.

However, I like these jeans so far even though they are straight leg and not bootleg. I've worn bootleg since I was 19. I feel very strange with the lack of material around my ankles. I'm almost tempted to peg them, because that's what I did the last time I wore straight leg jeans. Best thing, they were only $45 at Target and Target was having a 20% off jeans day. I only bought them because the bootleg style only had my size in short length. In fact they had a whole lot of short in all styles. Seems my neighbor hood are all regular or tall. Or Target thinks we have far more short women that we actually have and they're losing tons...perhaps hence the 20% off? I was lucky to find these.

Totally craving a new pair of boat shoes. I totally just typed totally.

***After posting this I did a wee search for boat shoes, because I was suddenly obsessed. I've ordered these and these in red. I hope I love them. If not, I'll return them, but I want to love them.

Gum Wall

2010-02-18T11:04:00.002Z

Something I pass on a regular basis. I admit I didn't pay it much mind as it's a wall and it's not my focus of attention, just an alley between A to B. From parking lot to post office out to the main road. Until one day, when the wall took on a whole real, full frontal assault of my attentions and made its true presence known.

You can see that at some time, rather than remove the gum, someone just painted over all the gum. That did nothing to deter the gum stickers.

I'm most concerned by the ones proclaiming love. In chewed gum. Applied on an alley wall.

Taking on the CRE again

2010-02-17T07:07:00.002Z

Both girls are now in the Christian Religious Education program at their school. Again I've requested the syllabus for both courses so I can follow along and offer alternate opinions. Ask more questions. Encourage the girls to ask questions, not just take what's being spoon fed to them.

It's patently obvious the current religious view is that the bible and Jesus and being a Christian is all wonderful, loving, warm, light, giving and goodness. I think it's interesting how picking out the nice and disregarding the frightening and tragic is in any way helpful to having these kids grow up be good Christians. I mean if you're going to be a Christian, you've got to know the whole thing you're getting yourself into, right?

Here are some the areas Sassy's 5th grade class are going to be looking at over the next few weeks:

1.) For students to understand that Jesus as the "light for the world" is a role model worthy of being followed.

2.) For students to understand that when they follow Jesus' model of loving, helpful, fair actions they brighten up the community around them like lights.

3.)For students to understand that God is like a forgiving father.

That's just a few, there are actually 13. Of course I have issue with some of it. Who is the more forgiving father: The one who says how bad it is to lie and steal coins from his bedside table and punishes by giving a speech about how disappointed he is and taking away the Nintendo DS for a week, or the Father that punishes by sending you into lake of burning fire for all eternity? Think about it if you need to...

I also don't know what bible they're reading from because I read my bible and there are definitely bits where Jesus was talking killing children and encouraging followers to mutilate themselves. He wasn't all "Light". In fact there's not one bit of Revelations in the whole year.

The stuff for Shorty is about how Christians are so good. Aren't Christians great? Butter wouldn't melt, you know. They do so many great things, blah blah blah. Like they have the market cornered on good. Not to mention both my kids have Muslims and Buddhists in their class. Think they'll quote any of Jesus' Jew hate? Not bloody likely.

Shorty's class is going right to the guts of the bible and telling the Easter story. I've never understood how the Easter story is supposed to be great and wonderful. God let his "son" die horribly by us/for us and didn't intervene. That's not a loving father. What is it about the bible and infanticide? People have tried to explain it to me and it's never made sense - God gave his only son to be killed by us so his blood could save our souls and erase our sins. What?! I'm a parent - fuck you, you're not killing my kid to save anyone. And what if I don't want Jesus' sacrifice? What if I want that serial murderer to get his proper punishment? It's all fucked up. I genuinely have no idea how Christians can talk about it like it's all good. I'm thankful that Easter bunnies and modern marketing have perverted the original story. Fluffy ducks, chicks and bunnies. Perhaps in another century it'll all be myth like the Roman gods.

So yes, this whole debacle winds me up. Australia likes to think it's secular but it's not. It has no clue what secular truly is, I hope everyone figures it out soon.

I also hope I don't come across too grumpy in this post. I'm not attempting to make my kids miserable in god wars. I honestly want them to know what's out there. I was told CRE was "just a bunch of bible stories." but it's not. It's indoctrinating kids into Christianity, it's another layer added outside of the church and it's not welcome. Not by me. The only reason the kids are in the class, and I've not opted them out is because Husband wants them to know the stories. Well, I'm just going to make sure they know the whole story. Their morality will come from us, not the bible. The bible's morality is sick and vile.

"Whatcha readin'?"

2010-02-16T03:50:00.004Z

Don't you hate that question? I hate when I'm reading on the tram or walking someplace and a stranger asks me what I'm reading. The book should pose an imaginary boundary, a wall that one should not try to penetrate. Especially a stranger. It's not rude to read a book in public, but it is rude to interrupt someone who is absorbed in their reading. Whether its the newspaper, book, magazine or bible*.

I've often taken my book on my regular walk to collect the kids from school. It's a route I know very well and can manage it with peripheral attentions quite easily. As soon as someone speaks to me - that's it you've overloaded my senses and put me at risk of stepping off the curb into traffic! Hope you're happy, you nosy prat! I exaggerate slightly. Rarely has someone aked me while I've been an active pedestrian. On trams, trains or buses however - all the time. Why they can't just do what a normal, polite person should do and crane their necks a bit to peek at the book's cover, I don't know. I could be mildly egotistical and say, perhaps I'm so stunning that they find the book question a wonderful way to enter conversation and perhaps more? Because "Whatcha readin'?" is a great way to open a conversation because the next question is "What's that about?"

"What's that about?" is the crux of the conversation. How you respond will determine if the conversation continues or stops dead. You could be honest or you could lie. You could stop the attempts cold and respond "You know, I just want to read my book, excuse me." but that will make for an uncomfortable trip until one of you exits the transport. Unless - please no - you get off at the same stop. At which point I'd have to immediately walk to the nearest shop in fear of being stalked. If you answer the question, the person will either inquire more about it if you sell the story well, or back off in conversation because you've failed to impress them. Aren't they obnoxious?! How dare they judge us for what we choose to read?! Who invited their opinion anyways? ARG - I hate them! And their book taste/ pompous judging ways.

Best thing to do, is read your book with headphones in place. Not on of course because if you happen to be walking you still need to be mindful of traffic and pickpockets. Also of when your stop is coming up on transport. But as a tool to discourage the "Whatcha readin'?" types from getting a chance to pass judgment or think they can get in your pants. Don't let them get a chance to think themselves smugly clever at our expense while interrupting our read.

*Which is a book and yet I offer it up in its own category because this becomes questioner's beware as bible readers are probably the only people who love to be asked "Whatcha readin'?" because then they get to tell you in all its glory and we shouldn't encourage such behaviour. Then again, serves the questioner right.

I don't care if they like it! It's Wrong!!

2010-02-14T23:18:00.002Z

Sassyface was telling me that the chickens at her school really like chicken nuggets. It seems Sassy has been sharing her nuggets with the chickens. I told her that was a terrible, awful, bad thing to do!

"You're letting those chickens be cannibals!"

"But they like it!"

"I've heard that people who are burned on funeral pyres smell like pork. Would you like me to feed you some crispy people meat?"

"Don't say that!! I'll have nightmares now!"

"But you'll like it!"

"Shut up!"

I know I go to extremes, but I think I made my point.

Men At Work, neck deep in Kookaburra shit.

2010-02-10T01:25:00.006Z

I have no clue why there are no posts here. I'm sure I had something to say at some point over the past week. I couldn't possibly have spent all my free time playing Assassins Creed II...

I have something I'm feeling a bit unsure of and need to have a discussion about.

Have you folks heard that the band Men At Work are being sued? Because the flute part of the song Land Down Under has a some notes from the famous Aussie song Kookaburra Sits In The Old Gumtree. The song was a hit in 1981. They (They being the people who now own the rights to Kookaburra) didn't discover the plagiarism until last year when it was mentioned on an Aussie gameshow as similar and once that was revealed, they got the lawyers involved.

Over that wee bit.

So now I come to the dilemma. Plagiarism is bad. I agree 100%. But does the fact that this song has been listened to for over 20 years and no one noticed the similarities - even in Australia where these songs are sung all the time - why sue now? To what end? Well obviously the end is money. It's always money. Reputation be dashed, fuck you - give us our money!

...here watch the wee news show where the history is explained.

So Ms. Sinclair is no longer with us - I just can't understand the need to sue. As far as I know the band aren't together anymore.

sure I can understand that they've earned royalties for this song. Has that well run dry? Have they sold the rights? Does the rest of the content not matter? Does that snippet of music take away all the originality of the whole song?

When I think about Vanilla Ice and the Ice Ice Baby rip off of Bowie/Queen- that made me mad. that was so obviously stolen. This MAW one is innocuous. And yet I cannot justify it to myself that just because it's only a little bit stolen that makes it any less of a crime. I also have to remove my genuine affection for MAW from the debate, which is difficult.

Sure punish them. but does it have to be so harsh? Why not just do a charity tour and donate all the proceeds to the Girl Scouts? The song was written for them, annoying, petty, money grabbing music company.

What's kind of bugged me since, is Colin Hay has been saying they absolutely didn't rip Kookaburra. Sure the whole flute part isn't a direct rip, only a minute portion (I'm justifying again) and Hay is saying it was not intentional:

"When Men At Work released the song Down Under through CBS Records, (now Sony Music), in 1982, it became extremely successful. It was and continues to be played countless times all over the world, and it is no surprise that in more than 20 years, no one noticed the reference to Kookaburra. There are reasons for this. It was inadvertent, naive, unconscious, and by the time Men At Work recorded the song, it had become unrecognisable."

I don't think that statement does him any credit, unfortunately.

I worry what the financial consequence will be for Hay. 27 years back pay? If it were mine, sure I'd want it, no matter how popular the famous person who stole it was. Yet, I adore him. Also, if he lives in Melbourne, I may have to stalk him. I'm sure he'd appreciate it. He was in Scrubs and everything.

What do you think? I'm so obviously biased.

*Guides. It's the Girl Guides. but it's the same as the Scouts only they still wear Brownie uniforms.

Forgotten again...

2010-02-01T04:53:00.002Z

I forgot my own blogiversary, again. On January 10th, this blog turned 5 years old. Hooray. Okay enough about that.

I'm back from my vacation!! We went to the seaside town of Warrnambool (it's spoken like it's spelled) and took some drives along the Great Ocean Road which is pretty fantastic and was very reminiscent of Cape Cod when it gets down to one lane both ways complete with small off the side of the road towns (Like Truro) (Of course that only makes sense to those who've ever driven to Provincetown). What was missing were the lobster specials. How can this place be coastal and not have lobster, corn on the cob, homemade coleslaw and fries at every roadside shanty - I just don't know. Colour me disappointed!

some pictures:

There are more here if you're interested.

I had two days at the radio station and it was pretty cool to see how they operate. I had planned three days but they had folks on holiday and were short staffed. I sat in on the morning show and was stunned at how much is not actually live - almost none of it. They pre-recorded most of the content before the shift starts and any phone in things are done 15-20 minutes before aired. I spent a good bit of time in the news room and loved that part of the job. The editing down was challenging. Take two pages of news and condense down to three sentences. Take three minute phone interviews and edit out all the uhms, ahs and repetitive waffle for a 15 second sound bite. My story went to air as well which was pretty cool. I wrote a couple of adverts, too. The otgher areas lie prodiuction of the adverts I didn't get to do much as that was the guy on vacation. I figured, rather than hang about watching the stressed replacement guy slog through, I'd take an extra day to site-see with the family.

I read through the two Nora books (Sullivan's Woman and Island of Flowers) rather quickly. Neither were hot and heavy, in fact they both had marriage proposals before actual heavy petting (hence no sex in either story) but it didn't bother me at all. What did bother me was the over the top machismo of both men. Rude, brusque and obnoxious. I know both of these stories were written in the early 80's, but were men rally that insensitive before the advent of the Sensitive Man? Self-centered and closed off. I didn't get it really. Sure they were smart, handsome and passionate about what they were doing but still; ease up on the testosterone a wee bit or at the very least get a sense of humor. So. Intense. The men were by far the moodiest of the couplings. The women were pretty plucky but putty in the men's hands. meh. I didn't hate but didn't love either. They were a pleasant holiday like.

Which is why it was a good thing that at the last minute I decided to grab my Flowers From The Storm by Laura Kinsale because I was really needing an absorbing read. I think the first time around on this book, which was six months ago-ish, In my new book eagerness, I rushed it. I needed to know what all they hype was about!! It then became my favourite book. I've left it since then, even though I wanted to start it over again right after finishing it. I'm enjoying it just as much, and since I know what happenes, I'm taking my time over it. Reading it with an eye for foreshadow.

Question: Does Christian have a stroke or an aneurysm? I think a stroke as he's talking about the tingling in his fingers before it happens. But I don't know enough about aneurysms to know if that is also a symptom. I had the question when I read the first time through but don't know if I asked. Also I'm so shite about using tags I don't know when the post was and am too lazy too search it out.

Still reading it now, They've just absconded.

I'm needing my gym back.

I'm slightly tanned. I also have a weird tan in the four inches between my ankle socks and my capris.

We did not swim in the ocean once. Sassy had an infected toe and if she couldn't swim in the ocean, it was only fair none of us did.

I think I'm done.

Bah...

2010-01-24T04:41:00.002Z

I'm giving up on the Bertrice Small novel. Enchantress Mine became a tad annoying by page 56 when she was still describing Mairin's beauty. By page 97 I'd had enough. I fucking get it, she's beautiful. She a million times more beautiful than anyone else whoever fucking lived and she's only twelve. Shut up all ready. All this painting with a heavy brush about just how lovely, smart and wonderful the heroine is and I'm now completely sick of her. And Ive not even met the hero yet.

I'm moving on to the Joanne Harris, Holy Fools.

What do you think?

2010-01-22T22:06:00.002Z

Further to my post Speaking in Tongues - Uttering Lies, I found this on the Young Australia Skeptics page. A student giving a graduation speech becomes overcome with the spirit. I think it's safe to say the school isn't the kind that normally promotes this kind of behaviour as the man who takes the podium requests someone call an ambulance. What do you think? Is she faking? Was this opportunistic proselytizing?

It's train wreck telly for me. It's creepy and curious all at once. Like the well dressed man rambling obscenities and threats into his lap with a smile on his face. You don't want to stare, but can't help it. I can't anyway, I've never been able to discreetly ignore the chemically imbalanced. In regards to the video, what do you think - nervous breakdown or religious spirit filling?

Is writing...

2010-01-22T02:40:00.004Z

We'll see how long it takes before I have a confidence break down.

For me, trying to write something longer than a blog post is like trying to keep sand in a funnel. The more I do, the more it seems to get away from me. The more distracted I become by shiny, new ideas.

Knuckling down has never been a strong point for me.

When faced with writing, washing the dishes becomes an urgent priority. Yet I do like to write. I just don't want everyone else to think it's shit. I avoid trying.

Pathetic really. I've blogged this for years. Aren't you sick of it? I am.

I wonder if there's a behavior-mod shrink who could help me get to grips with this?

This whole post is a distraction, I confess.

***Two pages done and one letter to Grandma Betty.

Love new finds!!

2010-01-20T23:45:00.001Z

I found a great podcast/interview/video show called LlewTube. Interviews are conducted by Robert Llewellyn who you'll know better as Kryton on Red Dwarf, and he picks people up in his car and drives them around while having a chat. It's wonderfully informal, just the kinds of conversations you'd want to have. Along with the funny reactions to traffic, squirrels on the road and squeaking windshield wipers.

I found it via Bad Science, Ben Golacre's blog as he's the most recent interviewee. But going to the LlewTube website I was happy to see the list of British folks having taken part. I thoroughly enjoyed the Patrick Stewart and Adrian Edmonson interview.

I'll be keeping a keen eye out for the newest interviews.

I've also loved - LOVED! - Julie Cohen's three part Character Arc post about how to write a character arc and how it helps her with plot and getting her through her writing process. It's just the advice I've needed to get me around the writer's block I've had on the story I've been procrastinating over ~~fear of failure over~~ for five years.

Lastly (and later added) as I was typing this i was dyeing my hair with yet another new colour. As the tone went immediately black I thought - fuck, it's going to be too dark. But it's come out perfect!! So now I'll have to rush out and buy five L'Oreal UL1 (Ultra-lightening) Natural Brown. It looks so natural, covered all my silvers and didn't make it overly red. It's perfect, and because it's perfect, they'll most likely discontinue it tomorrow because that's how my luck works.

Reading and writing

2010-01-19T07:04:00.002Z

I'm back on the book swing. I've started a couple books and found them a bit blah but I struggled through them and just picked up the next one and didn't even mourn the loss of my just read. I didn't enjoy the two crammed into one novel by Nora Roberts called Captured and Ensnared. No - it was...Captivated and Entranced. Just the two. It supposed to be a trilogy as there are three Donovan cousins and it's thier stories, so the quiet Donovan one got shunted. I'm not all that interested to be honest in chasing it up to finish the trilogy. I think I'm past the supernatural phase of ramonce. I dabbled for a few years with the vampires, werewolves and magic peoples, but now I'm just going to go back to the good old fashion boy meets girl and have some antics and fall in love.

What I didn't like about it is how annoyingly smug the magic people were. Morgana was a witch but I found her touchy, moody and grumpy. When she was annoyed or thought she was being picked on or disrespected she performed magic as a way to intimidate and bully. Then she goes on about the "Do no harm" stuff but doesn't really practice what she preaches. I thought she was a self righteous arse. But I liked the hero...Nate? Nat? Gnat? Nash! He was pretty interesting as a character.

The second story was much more interesting. Psychic and P.I. work together to find a kidnapped baby. She's a complete skeptic and he's a bit alpha and amused by her. But only slightly condescending but seeing as he is a real psychic and not a fake he tolerates her prejudices up to a point. I much preferred this story. Apart from the family visits and the fact Morgana comes back to all knowing and ethereal but really...I just think she's a prig. Sadly, I can't remember their names.

I'm just not interested in the whole "I'm so much more than a mere human." rubbish. Give me some real humans with real emotions and no psychic baggage and "woe is me I'm so misunderstood" ramblings.

I went to the library today to return the Nora and I picked up...another Nora Roberts. It's called Portraits of Passion and in another two-for-one containing Sullivan's Woman (1984) and Island of Flowers (1982). I didn't even realize this until just now as I picked it up to tell you folks about it.

I also got Holy Fools by Joanne Harris which reads like it'll be batshit crazy:

Britanny, 1610. Juliette, a one-time actress and rope dancer, is forced to seek refuge among the sisters of the abbey of Sainte Marie-de-la-mer. Reinventing herself as Soeur Auguste,Juliette makes a new life for herself and her young daughter, Fleur.But when the kindly abbess dies, Juliette's comfortable existence begins to unravel. The abbey's new leader is the 11 year old daughter of a corrupt noble family, and she arrives with a ghost from Juliette's past — Guy LeMerle, a man she has every reason to fear and hate.

...just realized it's probably not a literal ghost, but a turn of phrase. Thought it was weird when I read it how an 11 year old would bring a ghost with her. I had an impression of The Ghost and Mrs Muir but I now see that's not the case which makes it a tad less batshit than I anticipated on my quick skim in the library. I know I just said I didn't want any paranormal stuff but a ghost haunting a former circus performer turned nun being tormented by an 11 year old Abbess whose the daughter of a known badd guy? I think the ghost would've been more interesting. Ah well.

Lastly I picked up Enchantress Mine by Bertrice Small. I've never heard of her. Three suitors, one flame haired lady. We shall see. Some pretty scathing Amazon reviews. I know that's a bad thing to do, almost as bad as peeking at the ending. That said I know one book person who must read the end of the book first every time. When she told me I was shocked. (It was Marg!)

We're away on vacation next week to Warrnambool. I'm not sure yet what fascinating things await us in Warrnambool, although it's got some nice beaches and it's near the Apostles (I like Sow and Piglets better). It's also where the radio station I'll be doing my visit is situated. I'll be there for three days while the family go and enjoy sites and lounge about the beaches. We're all excited. Also it's Australia Day next week so it shall be fun to see how it's done and we get to be in a family camping ground so fingers are crossed there will lots of fun. It's also Husband's birthday - so I'll be buying a cake for that. I'm not baking on our vacation. I don't think he'll mind. Lastly, it's Burns Night, but I doubt we'll be able to rummage up a haggis.

The kids are back to school on the 1st of Feb. Well Sassy is back. Shorty starts first time. They are both eager to get going. I bought the pencil cases and kits and junk and stuff which they are foaming at the mouth to get fiddling with.

Speaking in Tongues - Uttering Lies.

2010-01-13T02:35:00.009Z

Religious people hold a fascination for me. The ones who simply wish a private relationship with God are very different from the active religious community where speaking in tongues is seen as a right of passage. One may even suffer from tongue envy, if they find they are not so lucky to be touched by the spirit.

It's interesting to me how people don't view mediumship and speaking in tongues as the same thing, and yet I see them as exactly the same thing. Both parties claim to be the mouthpiece of a spirit; the former for just about anybody, the latter for God or angels. Yet they both have one very important similarity; they are performances.

I remember from my days attending an Assemblies of God church, occasionally during songtime someone would be "moved by the spirit" and would begin speaking in tongues. It didn't happen every Sunday, in fact maybe once a month. When it did happen it was an instant showstopper; the one person would begin speaking very loudly and authoritatively. The singing would stop, the room would hush and give floor space over to the Spirit so we could receive our special message from God. The person would speak a few things in different languages, almost like a security announcement at the airport, each language given its own message that would end with a message in English. I don't remember what any of the messages were, I was far more interested in the congregation's tense, alert and hopeful silence. As a teenager I thought, what a way to get the room's attention. I mean everyone was staring, rapt at this one person. For the attention seeking sort, it's a good gig. After the sermon that person is held in pretty high regard.

Imagine my surprise how churches have changed from having the one random message from God, to now having a whole churchful of babblers! The thing now is that there isn't a specific message for the congregation to hear. It's not a prophecy. It's a right of passage. Speaking in tongues means you don't have to actually listen to the message, just feeling it is important. Can you imagine how God must feel? He's sending all these messages out and folks aren't listening. They're flailing about like fish on the ground. This is a roomful of fakers giving in to peer pressure.

If you listen to some of these sermons, they sounds a bit like the stage hypnotist's shtick. The hypnotist(Well worth watching the first minute after that it's a bit creepy) and pastor both have a group of audience members up front, they are touched, they fall back, the crowd is encourage to applaud them. If you've ever read about hypnotism, you'll find that a lot of the participants fake the behaviours they are "hypnotized" to perform because of many reasons; they don't want to be embarrassed by not be hypnotized on stage or they want to help the hypnotist because they're a fan. Either way there's an element of fakery, albeit benign. Derren Brown mentions this phenomena in his book Tricks of the Mind* which I highly recommend. I think it's not a leap to imagine that, for the love of attention, conformity, belonging and enjoying the group dynamics, faking a little speaking in tongues isn't such a bad thing.

Why do I think it's faked? Well apart from the changes I've witnessed in tongue speaking etiquette, I've also watched a few videoed services on Youtube. Pick a few sermons from different churches and a very interesting thing becomes apparent - speaking in tongues isn't a universal language. These churches have their own babel dialects. Are they saying that angels have accents? It's far easier to assume it's group parroting, like the game Chinese whispers. I wonder how a foreign "tonguer" sounds in a strange church, or do they mimic the local babble?

Although some of this has changed again with speaking in tongues being popular on Christian TV. "Ahhh so that's how it should sound." It helps to legitimize the trend. The power of suggestion trumps the power of God. What happens when the pastor is homophobic or racist and sends those messages along with the support of God to a room full of suggestible people?

Shall I get a tad biblical? Okay then. Speaking in tongues is mentioned three times in the bible. It starts in Acts where pilgrims from all over meet at Pentecost and want to talk to each other but find they can't understand each other because they all speak different languages. Darn that Tower of Babel. Then suddenly they feel the spirit within them and *poof* they can now all understand each other perfectly. "that every man heard them speak in his own language. " They could all hear the other men speaking in their own language - like a babelfish or the Universal Translator on the USSEnterprise. Speaking in tongues was not babbling on in the unknown language of the heavens, but a miracle of making them hear their own language, so that they could all understand and communicate with each other. The other two times is similar where someone has gone to preach but he's foreign and the locals cannot understand him, then suddenly he's able to speak to them in their own language and can successfully preach. Again it's a miracle of making one's message understandable to the congregation - not wanton verbiage.

So how have these modern churches gotten it so wrong? Why has speaking in tongues become not about sharing a common message from God, but is now an example of "God chose me!"

It's all down to suggestibility and conformity. Both very powerful behaviour motivators as history has shown. It also leads to accepting dogma as fact because to challenge it, sets one apart from the collective. Perhaps people should become better at choosing their collectives.

When seeing a congregation moving in full mania, writhing, screaming, chanting gobbledegook and working themselves into a tizzy you have to take a step back and question. Where did they get the idea that this is how they're supposed to worship? Sure it's more exciting and emotionally engaging than singing a few hymns and listening to the monotone from the pulpit. It's also high drama and a show of "God loves me best, aren't I special." because imagine if you are one of those people who doesn't get the spirit and doesn't feel the bubbling of foreign tongues coming from your lips or your body racked in the convulsions of the Holy Spirit - what does that say about you? Are you not deserving? Are you not good? Do you not believe enough? Is God not pleased with you? Will others distrust you?

Would you be tempted to fake it?

*The original cover has a small devil whispering into Derren's ear which for some reason is not shown in the advertised cover. Hmmm...

Oi Vey!!

2010-01-13T00:16:00.003Z

The racism! The guilt! The hypocrisy! What a brave girl. What a poor, sweet thing.

"Just stab me with a knife. Just stab me right now with a fucking knife!"

and yet...funny.

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